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Tools of My Own
A couple of weekends ago, we called an all-hands-on-deck family garage-cleaning day. We needed help—desperately. Over the last year, Craig and I had fallen into the habit of putting things “out in the garage,” which really meant anywhere: along the edges, on the floor, or somewhere in the vague vicinity of Craig’s workbench.We usually tackle a full garage overhaul every fall, but last year I only cleaned out my side. That was it. The rest never happened. So this year, we drafted everyone. Craig reorganized his tools, Kadon and Luka hauled things to the back shed, and I swept and blew out dust, leaves, and whatever unidentifiable debris had settled in since the last solar eclipse.
As we put everything back where it belonged, I noticed something I’ve always known: most of the tools in our house belong to Craig. The garage proves it. The basement confirms it. And honestly, I’m fine with that. I don’t need all the tools. I just need the ones that are mine.
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Truth and Trust
“Hey Sandy, you had better talk to your daughter… she has hickies on her neck,” my dad said.
“You’d better talk to your daughter. I don’t like her lying on the floor with her boyfriend under a blanket,” my mom later told me my dad had said.
Growing up, I was probably as truthful with my parents as many people of my generation—more than some, less than others. I tried to live my life and be in relationships to the best of my ability, but I was a teenager after all. Teenagers are works in progress, not fully formed moral philosophers.
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Serendipity at Panera
Panera isn’t known for life lessons.
It’s known for coffee refills, baguettes, soup in bread bowls, and a reliable place to sit and talk for a while.And yet, that’s exactly where serendipity found me.
Many years ago, I sat at Panera with my teaching colleagues after a Target run on Madison’s east side, spending our yearly classroom budget money. The best kind of shopping—the kind that delivers a dopamine rush without touching your own wallet.
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The Final Season
This, the new season of my life:It appears this is the final season of my life. Depressing, oh yeah. Come on, I want to live forever. I always say I want to see how this all turns out. I was told that everyone has to leave the party early at some point. It is a reality. Often, I can be heard saying, “I can’t imagine life without me.”
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Anniversary of Teenage Years
It would have been sixty-three years this year, not to mention the several years of dating before our marriage. We got married on July 6th, 1963, and I swear it was one of the hottest days of the year. -
25 Years and Counting
This summer, Craig and I are celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary. We got married on 7/7/00—a date Craig will never forget, mostly because in aviation, “squawking 7700” signals a mid-air emergency that requires immediate attention. Fitting, right?We met on January 31, 1999—Super Bowl weekend. I had just moved to Beaver Dam and separated from my (now ex-)husband, Tom. That night, my friend Bonnie called and asked if I wanted to go out for dinner. I said “yes,” and she immediately replied, “You pick the restaurant, I’ll drive.”
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Karma Construction Zone
Tonight’s Sidetracked Sisters writing topic is “karma,” and let’s just say… we’ve been circling the cosmic drain trying to make sense of it. Karma as payback? As justice? As some universal scorekeeper in the sky? Meh. It’s all a little murky. But then, I landed on a metaphor that actually clicked for me…
Each choice we make is a brick in the structure of our lives. Karma might not be a cosmic slap on the wrist—it could simply be the quiet architecture of cause and effect. What are you building without even realizing it?
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The Moments After Goodbye
Dad passed away on December 30.
That morning, I got up early and made a quick stop at the grocery store for juice. Before heading home, I decided to drop by Mom and Dad’s house. Michelle had been doing so much over the past few days, and I wanted to help when I could—and this morning, I could.I walked into the house and climbed the stairs. Mom was in the bathroom, and I let her know I was there. Then I stepped into the bedroom. Dad lay there, peacefully asleep—but something about his stillness felt off. I walked around the bed and sat down beside him. His skin looked too gray, his face too motionless. I reached out, touching his cheek. It felt cold beneath my fingers.
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From Grief to Giggles: The Power of a Support Squad
After having a death in my family, my husband of sixty-two years, I have discovered several ways to be resilient. It is traumatic enough, but having family and friends engulf you helps you to recover more quickly from a hardship or traumatic event. Another way would be to get out of the house and do an activity that has been put on the back burner. Such activity could be anywhere from lunches with old friends, movies, or getting together with those we have shoved away due to heavy schedules. -
Nine Years, One Condo, and Zero Rings
The year was 1976. Chris and I had been together for nine years. We enjoyed each other’s company and were good friends. We shared friends and fun times. Chris had a great sense of humor. He was a disc jockey on the local radio station. He would talk about things we had done together and as he told his story, I could barely recognize it as a place I had been. He was able to make it sound like an enviable experience and one that anyone would like to participate in. -
Resilience, Relatives and Rolling with the Punches
Ah, the holidays. A time for twinkling lights, delicious feasts, and… navigating the emotional minefield of family gatherings. Add in the inevitable challenges—burnt turkey, last-minute gift shopping, and Uncle Bob’s annual political rant—and you’ve got the perfect storm for testing your resilience.But resilience isn’t just about surviving the holidays with your sanity (mostly) intact. It’s about showing up when it matters most—especially during the hardest moments, like the loss of a loved one. When grief collides with the season of joy, resilience is what carries us through.
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Love, Laughter, and Loss
The year 2024 has been a difficult, strange year for me. It is strange to be retired after working for over fifty-six years. To add to this my husband has been diagnosed with dementia. Having noticed some rather strange behavior on his behalf it became apparent that he indeed did have dementia as a result of Alzheimers. -
Still Going Strong After 61 Years!
I am married to Art, my high school sweetheart, my soulmate, the father of my children, and oftentimes a pain in my ass! I say this last part as a joke, but I think you can imagine this can happen. -
Quirks and Conditions
Relationships come with many quirks and challenges. I experienced two failed marriages. I entered into each of these relationships with high hopes. I have learned that there were issues that got in the way of our happiness, that we never considered or discussed. Looking back, I realize I was very young and lacked the wisdom to make the best decisions. -
A Golden Adventure: Finding Eli
It was my nephew Brad’s first birthday party. Standing in the kitchen of my sister’s house, we were talking about pets. Mom knew she had just heard the death knell of my marriage when Tom told me, “You will NEVER have a dog.” The look on my blank face showed that this was not connecting with me or my reality. He was drawing a line in the sand, and I was not intimidated, not cowed by his threat. -
Teenage Romance
I was planning on staying home, but my best friend Janice insisted I had to come with her to Mary’s party. Mary’s family was having a party for their exchange student and all the girls were going to be there. I didn’t feel like going but resigned myself to an evening of socializing. The last thing I was looking for was romance. -
Meeting Mr. Right
I had just bought a house and moved back to my hometown in July of 1998. By January 1999, I was separated from my ex-husband, living alone, having fun remodeling my old house, and excited about being single.
Mom called me after work on Friday and told me that her friend Bonnie was looking for someone to go out to eat with that night–and mom wasn’t available. She told me to give Bonnie a call.I did.
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Blind Date Success
I met my husband, Art, on a blind date. As it was told to me a friend that I had gone with had this friend named Art. He always spoke highly about him and said what a nice guy he was. Well, he wanted to go to the outdoor, needed a date for Art, and called one of my girlfriends to see if she could go. She couldn’t go, so guess what? He called me. Well, my Dad knew this friend, liked him, and thought he was the one asking me to go out to the outdoor. So, he said I could go. Now, I was only fifteen so this was a huge thing for me. I couldn’t believe he would let me go to the outdoor, in a car with boys, at such an early age.
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Friends Forever
My first real job after High School was selling driving lessons at a driving school in Madison. Every day it was my job to take the bank deposit to the bank in the Hilldale Shopping Center. It was a highlight of my day because the staff was friendly and fun. -
Through My Mentor’s Eyes
Growing up, my mom was private about girl stuff and things I should be aware of. My older sister Sandy and I shared a room and she was the one I went to with questions about life and guys and relationships. I was shy growing up and Sandy’s advice helped me to handle a variety of situations. I knew she always had my back although she did tease me a bit first. -
Unexpected Mentor
Having worked in a law office for 56 years one would hope that I learned a lot. Actually, I worked for my current boss’s dad for twenty-three of those 56 years and learned an awful lot. Bruce was his name and he loved to teach. This was fortunate for me as I came to the office without a college degree, having just graduated from high school. I was the only secretary he had for a long time and while training me he was very good at teaching me why things had to be done a certain way and then how to accomplish this. He also gave me free rein once I had certain projects down pat. -
A Mentor For Life
In talking about mentors, I keep coming up with one person who has consistently been there for me for my whole life. She has known me from birth through the present. Sometimes she has lived close, at other times on the other side of the country. I’ve always looked up to her and admired her for the ways she’s embodied and encouraged me to be adventurous, self-confident, and independent… -
Stop Being Paranoid
One of the biggest mentors I had in my life was my sister Lisa, but I’ve already written about her, so let’s give someone else the spotlight. During my time working at a local bank, I had an amazing mentor come into my life. She was a challenging person, but very smart, and dedicated and it was my goal to make her happy.Her name was Tina, and she was the Senior VP of Operations at the bank. She had worked there since she was 19, I believe and moved her way thru the ranks. For the first 4 years that I worked for her, it was a struggle. I never quite felt like I was doing things to the point that she (or anyone) was completely happy with. There was a coworker that would come into the office very quietly. Every morning, I would stew about it, thinking that I’d done something to make her mad or upset. If she and Tina had a side conversation about something, I was always convinced they were talking about me. Finally, at the 4-year mark, things took a turn.
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Teasing Teenagers
Picture this… I’m 14 years old. It’s New Year’s Eve and I’m having a date night with my boyfriend, Sam. Lisa and Tom are in the next room chaperoning us (as much as you can chaperone from the other room). Sam and I are kissing and before I know it, his hand is creeping under my shirt… -
To Know Me is to Love Me
Anyone who says being a kid or much less a teenager is fun has never been one. Well, my remembrance of being a teenager sort of makes me shudder. I was one of those kids that most parents would, at times, never want. I was rebellious, didn’t like the word “no”, hated restrictions, and liked to do anything at least once to see if it was worth doing again. -
Shy and Unhappy Teenager
I remember being very excited about becoming a teenager but for the life of me, I didn’t know why.My first memory of my teenage years was standing on the front steps of the Junior High waiting for the doors to open. It was the first day of 7th grade. I had grown four inches over the summer. I towered over most of my classmates that I remembered from 6th grade.
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Not Yet a Grown-Up
This is the worst topic. Why? Because it exposes how scary this time is in anyone’s life. And right now, my daughter Aubrey is in the middle of her thirteenth year. There are six more years of her teenagehood ahead of us. I remember the struggle of that age and how confused I was about my place in the world. For me, it was a time of questioning, trying out different personas, and worrying about the future. -
Small Gestures
Being thought of is a small gesture to make someone feel loved. A simple hello, preferably with a smile, can put a warm spot in my heart. -
Words Matter
I have been going through unusual trials recently. My husband, Michael is very ill. There have been several people that have sent notes either by text, email, or snail mail, that have warmed my heart and have caused me to feel cared about and yes, loved.
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Show Me The Love
Candlelight dinner from Nathan – Valentine’s Day 2011 When trying to think about what makes me feel loved or what gives me warm fuzzies, the first thought that comes to mind is when my kids remember to thank me for something I’ve done for them.
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Cool Grandmas
Grandmas are so very special. I had two extremely different grandmas in regards to their personalities, styles, religion, and just about everything. -
Lessons from Grandma Bauer
Grandma Bauer and Aunt Hyc My Grandma Bauer was a feisty, loving woman. She came to America from Germany as a young woman. Grandpa Joe also came from Germany. I wish I knew more about their early lives but these are stories I never heard. The first thing she taught me was to be more curious about my relatives because their stories are too important to lose.
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It’s the Odd-Ball Things
Both mom and dad did so many amazing things for me over the years, but the ones that really stand out were the ones that dad did. We used to tease mom that it was because I didn’t have any happy childhood memories of her, but in actuality, it was because the things that dad did were the odd-ball things. -
My Dad – My Rock
My dad was my rock. To say I always saw eye to eye with my dad, especially in my teenage days, was an overstatement! We often would butt heads as I was a rather rebellious teenager and didn’t like his rules and restrictions, but I always found him to be the very foundation of my life. -
A Struggle for Dad’s Approval
I am a pig-tailed, 4-year-old girl, demurely leaning against my dad’s extended knee. He is half kneeling in some wild daisies beside tall sheltering pines. He is grinning with pride at the camera, my right hand is thoughtfully touching his chin. My adoring eyes are on his face as I take the first bite out of a perfect red apple. It is a 1969 photo of peace and approval. It is the goal I seem to be always reaching for. -
Memorable Firsts with a Memorable Guy
When I was young, I was very intimidated by guys. My siblings were all female and I seldom saw my one male cousin. When I was in seventh grade, I began going to dances at the Junior High School. My girlfriends all had guy crushes and they were always reciprocated. -
Untangling From Toxic Friends
All relationships are challenging.When kids are very little it seems that having and making friends just go with the flow. As you get older things get a bit more complicated.
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Sister…I’m Going West!
It was a beautiful spring afternoon in 1975. My 5-year-old sister, Michelle, and I trekked across the freshly plowed field towards the rock hill on the edge of our grandparent’s acreage. A warm wind was blowing and we stood together on the top of the hill. Without much thought, I began walking down the “backside”. For some reason, Michelle asked me where I was going.
“West”, I answered. “I’m going west!” I repeated.
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My Feisty Grandma
Grandma Doris is one of the major reasons that I wanted to start Sidetracked Legacies. She was fun and feisty. But she’s been gone since June 2007 and it’s only now that I realize just how little I actually knew about her.
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Uncle in the Attic? I Had an Aunt in the Garden
One family member that I feel kind of gets overlooked is my Aunt Joan. She is the wife of a very, very, very interesting part of our family, my Uncle Lloyd. He is my father’s brother and we spent a lot of time with this family in Madison, WI. He was quite the guy, let’s say eccentric. His wife, Joan, had to be a saint to put up with him. He was loved unconditionally by most of his family. -
My Dad – Ronald Meister
The most interesting family member in my family is hard to choose. We all have our own idiosyncrasies and quirks. I decided to write about my dad, Ronald Meister. I didn’t get to know my dad as well as I would have liked. He passed away suddenly when I was only twenty-three years old. I had been away from home for several years prior to his death. -
Our Family Loves an Old Curmudgeon!
Me, Uncle Lloyd, & Little John We have many interesting family members, but I’m going to pick one of my favorites. Uncle Lloyd. I could write for days about Uncle Lloyd. He was like a grandpa to me. Many people thought he was just a crabby old man, but I knew different.
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First Kisses
My first kiss was in elementary school. We were playing boys chase girls at recess. When caught, the boy would kiss his catch. Sean chased me down the grassy hill. The girls around me laughed and screamed. He grabbed me by the back of my shirt. I pulled my long hair over my face as my foot slipped and I landed on the ground. His face touched the hair covering my forehead.
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First Kiss
When I was young and Dad would come home from his hard struggles of the day, Mom would always greet him with a special kiss and a warm hug. Dad would often express his insecurities like “If I have another day like this, I’ll have to sell pencils and shoelaces on a street corner”. Mom would proceed to reassure him. I watched this first kiss welcome night after night and I fantasized about the wonderful day when that first kiss would be mine with my special someone. -
Sweet First Kiss
1st day of 1st & 6th grades My very first kiss would have to be in 1st grade. During recess, we would play tag with the girls catching the boys. Once you caught the boy, you would have to kiss them. Well – I decided to catch Eddy Wong 26 times in one recess because he was the slowest one in class.
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Memorable First Kiss?
Who remembers their first kiss? The one that I remember was rather odd. It took place when I believe I was approximately seven or eight. A bunch of my neighborhood friends were all hanging out in my front yard. We were looking for something fun to do when someone suggested that we play a kissing game. Well, it took a dare for one of the boys to kiss me. I shall keep the name of this boy anonymous as he is still alive and might not appreciate having his identity exposed. I didn’t find this exactly exciting although I do remember it, so that must mean something. -
Are Grandparents Obsolete?
Women over fifty (and of course, men also), are all so excited with the prospect of being grandparents. I go along with this as it gives us a second chance, or tries to make up for some of the mistakes that we made with our children. Most of us were probably young and did the best we thought we could, but as our children will most often advise us we often screwed up at some point. -
The Emotional Bank Account
When I was growing up, I always thought relationships had to be 50/50. Give and take needed to be equal or the relationship would not succeed. In reality, what I discovered was that relationships almost always consist of an unequal number of contributions. If one person is having a great day, they might contribute 80%. If the other person was having a bad day or a troublesome day, their contribution might only be 20% or less. The goal was to have the total equal to 100%. Unfortunately, that didn’t always happen.
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Developing Relationships with Your Mother-in-Law
Here are six tips for having a good relationship with your mother-in-law. -
There is a Difference Between Being a Friend and an Enabler
I have always prided myself on being a good friend, but unfortunately, I had a very bad experience at trying to be just that.
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How to be a (Worst) Friend
I am well well-suited to write this post for I fulfill the top three qualifications to be the worst friend…
I’ve always loved being with friends, laughing and hanging with great women, drinking and sharing memories with others who appreciate a self-deprecating story.
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Friends – Both Old and New – I Love You All!
My BFFs Are you the type of person that has lots of friends around you or just one or two good ones? Throughout my life, I’ve had a few different people that I considered my good friends.
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Want a Friend? Be a Friend!
When I was a little girl, I always felt like I didn’t have any friends. I was raised in a neighborhood of all boys. Play revolved around playing cowboys and Indians and other games that involved me being the only girl. I must say since I was the only one with cowboy boots and a holster set, I often played a lead role. I would pretend to be Roy Rogers or The Lone Ranger. Most of the boys were younger and smaller than I was so they didn’t argue with me. They followed my lead. -
Will You Marry Me?
What is a compliment?This can come in many ways. It could be when you were asked to prom, homecoming, or more exciting a marriage proposal.
I think my best compliment was my wedding proposal. Even though, in my case, it was when we were very young, but, guess what it is still working. Sometimes I don’t know how, but it is still in the work. I often kid that I need a medal, but, in fact, we both probably do. We have figured how to make this union work.
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Forgive and Forget vs. Confront, Fight, and Fix
I recently read the book “All About Love” and connected with the author, bell hooks, when she said that “Women believe it is a sign of commitment, an expression of love, to endure unkindness or cruelty, to forgive and forget”.I was married during college to a bright and passionate young man. We were married for 12 tumultuous years. During that time, I believed that everything must be done to save the relationship.
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Does Your Talk Match Your Walk?
Do I walk my talk? Do I follow through? Do my actions match my words? Do I do as I say? Sadly, in many cases, I would have to say NO…I feel kind of creepy admitting that because my intentions are always good. If I get down right honest, I often think out loud. I try out ideas like I try on clothes. When I speak my words and I look for reactions. My need to please is strong, so if the reactions to my thoughts out loud are too severe, I may go another direction. -
Practice What You Preach
I feel I definitely practice what I preach most of the time. For years and years, I’ve said I wanted a cottage on a lake. Now, it wasn’t just any lake or just any area, but I wanted it to be on South Lake Michigan Drive in Door County, WI, on Lake Michigan.
I always knew I was going to do this. We didn’t know how, didn’t know when, but it was going to happen. It had to. I put pictures up at work, constantly looked at the availability of properties and there was nothing… especially in our price range.
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Too Much Profanity!
I wish kids today (including my own) wouldn’t use profanity as much as they do. I really feel that there are so many more productive ways to express oneself other than swearing. This is something I strongly believe, BUT…. do I follow thru myself? Not so much.
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Be Careful Of What You Say Out Loud – Do Your Actions Match Your Words?
Do my actions match my words?
They DO. But…I’m very careful about what I say out loud. There’s a certain power that dreams–shared and spoken aloud–have in my life. A few of my biggies have been completing my master’s degree, adopting my kids, running a marathon. I committed and then took small, methodical steps to work toward the goal. I am slow and steady. I believe in planning your work and working your plan.
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5 Love Languages – ‘Chelle
Have you ever heard of The 5 Love Languages? It is a book that I think EVERYONE should read!! I swear by the information in this book!!
Basically – there are 5 ways that people give and receive love.
1. Words of Affirmation – This language uses words to affirm other people.
2. Acts of Service – For these people, actions speak louder than words.
3. Quality Time – This language is all about giving the other person your undivided attention.
4. Physical Touch – To this person, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate touch.
5. Gift Giving – For some people, what makes them feel most loved is to receive a gift.
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I Take Commitments Seriously!
I was the one in our family that always swore when I got married, it would be for life. I said that I take my commitments very seriously and wouldn’t renege on them. Then life got in the way.
I was so shy in school that I could barely say hello to a boy in the hallway. I was very uncomfortable having a conversation with someone of the opposite sex.
My sister was always popular. She had boyfriends at a young age and handled herself well. She married at age 19 some 55 years ago in July.
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Protected: Getting Used to Divorce
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Is Divorce the Answer?
Just hit the print button. that is what I say to anyone who has just plain had it in their insufficient marital status. I use this jokingly and unfortunately, have used the phrase for a serious situation also. You see, I have worked in a law office for 55 years and have seen so many divorces, I wouldn’t even be able to count. -
How Does This Work?
How do you downshift or relax after a sometime (most of the time) stressful day, or just an ordinary, could be boring day.I would like to say that I would leave work, go for a nice casual walk, come home and have a wonderful dinner and then relax for the rest of the night. Unfortunately, this doesn’t ever seem to happen, so when I come home after a very stressful day at work, I like an old-fashioned drink, then I love to (weather permitting) sit out in my patio and just read or listen to the crickets and chill.