Growing up, I always wondered who, between my sister and I, would get divorced. In my family, between the 2 older of the Sidetracked Sisters, one got divorced, the other didn’t. Everyone always told Lisa and I how much we were like Mom and Judy. So – being the logical person I am – I reasoned that if of the two sisters, one got divorced and the other didn’t – then Lisa and I would follow suit.
Guess my theory was wrong. Thinking on Lisa’s divorce and the impact it had on me… it seems so strange that she was ever married to someone other than CH. That was an entire lifetime ago.
My experience is the newest and I struggle to come to terms with how the kids are affected. My ex and I had and have a very amicable arrangement. We were actually “technically” separated for almost 10 years before the actual papers were filed. During that ten years, he would even come over and help mow the lawn or do various things around the house. We still had holidays together – to the extent of sharing Christmas. One year he’d sleep at my house with the kids, the next year I would sleep at his house with the kids. We get along great as friends. We just didn’t work any longer as a couple.
I know the situation was confusing for the kids, but I look at other divorces where there is so much hatred and meanness and I’m just glad we were able to avoid that. At one point, one of the kids said to their friend “I’m going over to my dad’s tonight” and the friend replied “Are your mom and dad divorced?” At the time, we weren’t, so they said “No – they are still married. They just don’t live together anymore.” The friend looked puzzled and stated “I’m confused”. Jess replied very nonplussed – “Yeah – so am I.” 🙂
Being divorced has it’s challenges, but I also find relief in it. I no longer have to deal with being put down and criticized. If I want to go to sleep at 8:00 – I don’t have someone there trying to make me feel guilty. I get to do what I want/need to do finally.