Divorce – Judy

I was the one in our family that always swore when I got married, it would be for life. I said that I take my commitments very seriously and wouldn’t renege on them. Then life got in the way.

I was so shy in school that I could barely say hello to a boy in the hallway. I was very uncomfortable having a conversation with someone of the opposite sex.
My sister was always popular. She had boyfriends at a young age and handled herself well. She married at age 19 some 55 years ago in July.

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I always thought I would end up being a spinster. My oldest sister was stricken with Multiple sclerosis at age 19 when I was only 10. From that point on I became very serious. In some ways, I grew up too fast. In other ways, I was emotionally immature. Kathy passed away at age 26 when I was only 17.  I had worked with my mom to be my sister’s caregiver since I basically had nothing else much to do.

The summer after Kathy passed away, I met a guy from out of town. He was working in Beaver Dam for the summer. By the following August we were married. I was just 18 years old. BIG MISTAKE!! I had a brain for books but no common sense. By June of 1970 we were divorced.

I rebounded into a marriage with a man twice my age. He was 42 and I was 21. I thought his maturity could carry us both through. I didn’t realize that age and maturity often do not necessarily go hand in hand. We married in October of 1970 and divorced in June of 1977. 2ND BIG MISTAKE!!

Now, looking back on those times almost 50 years ago, my viewpoint has changed. Yes, I was divorced twice. In hindsight, I married for all the wrong reasons. I also felt that intimacy and marriage should go together. That thought isn’t necessarily wrong, yet neither is it necessarily right.

My husband and I married in 1986 for all of the right reasons. We were comfortable as individuals. We had a deep friendship. I often say that we are soul mates. We didn’t marry because we needed each other but rather because we wanted to be together. With all of that being said, I’m not sure if I would have recognized the right choice if I hadn’t made my mistakes those many years ago.

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