Have you ever heard of The 5 Love Languages? It is a book that I think EVERYONE should read!! I swear by the information in this book!!
Basically – there are 5 ways that people give and receive love.
1. Words of Affirmation – This language uses words to affirm other people.
2. Acts of Service – For these people, actions speak louder than words.
3. Quality Time – This language is all about giving the other person your undivided attention.
4. Physical Touch – To this person, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate touch.
5. Gift Giving – For some people, what makes them feel most loved is to receive a gift.
For the longest time, I couldn’t figure out my love language, until I read that I should think about what I complain about most. Well – then it became clear.
I always used to complain about how my spouse would vacuum behind me or redo the laundry I had just put away or would say “Look kids – mom actually cooked tonight”. Making me feel that what I ever did wasn’t good enough. Suffice it to say, Words of Affirmation would be my love language. I crave the “atta-girl” comments. I glow when I get recognition.
Even as a kid – mom would go grocery shopping for hours and hours and while she was gone, I would clean the whole house to surprise her. When she’d come home, everyone she talked to that day would hear about how wonderful I was and how great a job I did, etc. So – I would get my words of affirmation!
The added bonus to this scenario is that mom’s love language is Acts of Service. So, every time I cleaned the house for her, her “love tank” was being filled also!
In the case of my (ex)spouse, his love language was also Acts of Service, but by not giving me the Words of Affirmation that I so desperately wanted/needed, my love tank was NOT being filled and therefore I didn’t have anything to give. I stopped vacuuming and doing laundry – my feeling was, “why do it if it isn’t going to be done well enough and just be redone?”
Reading this book was the “AHA” moment I needed. It is so much easier now to identify and realize what I need from others and how I can show others I love them. I’ve also used this with my kids to identify how to express love to them that means something to them.
If you want to know what your love language is – take this quiz: 5 Love Languages Quiz