Do I walk my talk? Do I follow through? Do my actions match my words? Do I do as I say? Sadly, in many cases, I would have to say NO…I feel kind of creepy admitting that because my intentions are always good. If I get down right honest, I often think out loud. I try out ideas like I try on clothes. When I speak my words and I look for reactions. My need to please is strong, so if the reactions to my thoughts out loud are too severe, I may go another direction.
Shoulds, Wants and Needs
I think that it is really a case of “shoulds, wants and needs”. My values are clear, my interests are broad and my belief in myself is narrow. I limit myself more than anyone I’ve ever met. From High School on, I’ve chirped about college. Have I gone? Sure. I have over 130 credits but do I have a degree? No. I love being a student and learning new things and sharing new ideas. I am open to learning in many directions without a final goal in mind.
After years of saying I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, I have finally come to the realization that in my dream job I would be a public speaker, not quite a performer but someone that could create AHA moments for others. I am interested in subjects and details that bore others and yet I hesitate. My lack of confidence slows me down so I head in another direction.
Up until now, I have spent my time playing it safe and making a living. What I have realized so far is that I can get people’s attention when I speak, when I read aloud and at times when I write.
What To Do
So, I ask myself, “What do I need to do to have my words and actions match”. I believe I need to stay silent until I decide that my idea has merit for me. It really doesn’t matter what others think. Instead it matters a great deal for me to decide what I will commit to and follow through with. My “shoulds” need to be silenced. My “needs” and especially my “wants” need to be listened to and followed. If I place myself first, I will walk my talk and enjoy every moment.