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Frustration in Three Acts
Some people collect stamps. I collect other people’s emotions. For most of my life, “managing the mood in the room” felt like a job I didn’t remember applying for…but somehow kept showing up to anyway.
I’ve always been a bit of a chameleon. My own feelings didn’t matter—I could “read the room” and instantly morph into whatever version of myself I thought someone needed.
Act 1: The first time someone called me out on this talent was in my late teens. A boyfriend and I were walking arm-in-arm through a school playground late one crisp fall evening. Out of nowhere, he started singing Air Supply’s “Every Woman in the World to Me.” I don’t remember the exact conversation that followed, but I do remember him gently telling me he didn’t need a cheerleader. He wanted me. My real thoughts. My real feelings. My real presence. Awwww… right?Act 2: Scene change: age 32. I was married to my ex-husband Tom. I’d come home late from teaching and listen—literally—to his mood before I walked through the door. If the TV blared, it was “walk on eggshells” time. If I heard guitar riffs floating out of his music room, all was well.
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Raised with Grandma
My niece, Michelle came out of the rustic cabin on Green Bay shaking her head. She had a smile on her face but it was hiding her disbelief that my 10 year old son did not know how to make toast by himself. They had been in the kitchen when Matt asked her to make a piece of toast for me. She said “Wouldn’t mom be proud if you made it yourself?“ “Just put the bread in the toaster,” and he said “I know that!!” ‘At this point she said “then you’re halfway there! Next you push down the lever and when it pops up, you put butter on it”. -
Letting Go of Overthinking
Sometimes when something is troubling me or I don’t understand why people do the things they do, I have a hard time not overthinking the issue. Thinking about a problem or situation can keep me awake at night and cause me to fill my mind with nothing else. -
Get Your Ass in Gear
Something to let go of?Procrastination. This is what I am best at. Pretty sad, but true.
I don’t remember when this became a trait that I became a master of.
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The Green-Eyed Monster
I have a bad habit of comparing myself to others and then feeling bad about how things are going in my life. I look at the people around me and see people with more money or bigger houses or people going on fancy vacations and I get jealous. Why isn’t my life like that? -
Favorite Things? Too Many to Count
Whenever I think of my favorite things I think of the “Sound of Music”.I have yet to figure out how to put my favorite things to music so they rhyme and become singable. -
A Few of my Favorite Things
<music note> “These are a few of my favorite things…” <music note>Thank you Julie Andrews for putting that song into my head.
We’ve talked about our favorite things before and the first thing that comes to mind are physical things. This time, I thought I’d also incorporate some non-tangibles.
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My Loves
Here goes.
I love my family. They are all different and wonderful in their ways. Each one makes me feel loved (well most of the time). They all seem like caring and nice individuals. All are very different and take on individual roles in my life, and I love them for their differences.
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Orange Fuzz Isn’t Flattering
A funny story to some isn’t always so funny to the person involved. My husband was away on a fishing retreat. It was a Friday, I was bored and had decided I needed a change.
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Tenacious Taurus
If you look to see what personality traits are associated with a Taurus, you can find a variety of different answers. The websites I found state that a Taurus is possessed/obsessed, fussy, stubborn, chilled/zoned out, and sensuous/greedy. Some things that a Taurus is into would be money, food, chilling, flirting, and shopping. For the most part, I’m in complete agreement with what I’ve read. -
Authentic Aries
The Aries woman is honest, driven, competitive, and energetic. At least many of the Aries women have these traits. I find myself exhibiting the shadow side of many of the Aries qualities. For example, I carry a secret insecurity that creates intense stress and pressure for me. On the surface, I appear confident, competitive, and driven. In truth, appearances can be deceiving. Inside, I am often feeling anxious and inadequate. This surprises the people I know well because they say they don’t understand why.
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Creative Cancer
I really don’t pay much attention to my sign, but doing this exercise found it to be interesting. There are a couple of traits that I can identify with. One trait of the cancer is being nosey. I don’t consider this trait as being nosey at all, but am interested. I find people fascinating. I love to know their story, their interests, occupations, and the list goes on and on. This is how I get to know them and find other people primarily fun and interesting. -
Spiritual Sagittarius
My birthday is in mid-December, which makes me a Sagittarius.Although I was a child in the 70s, I was really too young to be into the zodiac. As a child, I would occasionally read my horoscope in the paper, but the predictions always seemed vague and random. For example, my horoscope for today says this:
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Starting the Dream at 36
I had major speed bumps and difficult times in my childhood and early adulthood. When I turned 30, things started to improve and gel. When I reached 36, things got downright amazing. -
Seventy Ain’t So Bad
Have you ever reflected if you could be any age what would you pick? After pondering this thought I have not been able to totally make a decision on this subject. -
Always Moving Forward
If you could be any age, what would you pick?
Isn’t this such a “writer’s group” question? Well yeah. We sat down to get into it and discovered that you could look at the topic from a dozen different angles. Here are three alternatives that immediately popped into my head:
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Today’s Brain, Yesterday’s Body
Picture if you could pick an age you wanted to be for the rest of your life. What would you pick? How would you determine what was the best age to be? I think there would be a few questions I would need answered before I made that decision. -
Tween Makeover
me, 7th Grade, 1977 I’ve written before about how I had many worries and thoughts about the future when I was young. But I was also a planner. One of the biggest “plans” I had was for my transition from elementary school to Jr. High.
In elementary school, I was a pretty typical kid. Braces, headgear, and rubber bands worked to fix my smile. I took tap dance lessons. In the band, I played the flute.
But I wanted to be different. So I came up with a plan. I was going to have a life makeover! But, of course, “makeover” wasn’t yet a concept.
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Small Gestures
Being thought of is a small gesture to make someone feel loved. A simple hello, preferably with a smile, can put a warm spot in my heart. -
Words Matter
I have been going through unusual trials recently. My husband, Michael is very ill. There have been several people that have sent notes either by text, email, or snail mail, that have warmed my heart and have caused me to feel cared about and yes, loved.
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Show Me The Love
Candlelight dinner from Nathan – Valentine’s Day 2011 When trying to think about what makes me feel loved or what gives me warm fuzzies, the first thought that comes to mind is when my kids remember to thank me for something I’ve done for them.
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The Grass is Always Greener
When I was a kid, I had so many opportunities for anticipation. I kind of look at it from the standpoint of “the grass is always greener”…You know, I thought others seem to be in a better situation than me, although they may not be. But other times, I just loved looking ahead to what I KNEW would be special times in the future.
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Made in the Shade
When I think about growing up or my childhood, the best parts include the times I had the ability to do things that I felt gave me extra freedom or responsibility. -
Lazy Summer Days
I enjoyed being a kid. I was adventurous and loved to explore new things. One of my favorite things I remember as a kid was the lazy summer days. In my day we didn’t have all the activities that kids today seem to be involved in. My summers were my favorite time of the year. It meant jumping out of bed, pulling on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, grabbing a bowl of fresh raspberries from the garden, and on to my friend’s house. -
Not Grown Up Yet
I remember bits and pieces of being a child and I often wanted more. I wanted to stay up late like the grown-ups. I wanted to decide what I would eat for dinner and what to buy at the grocery store.It seemed like all the big decisions were made by the adults.
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Too Little, Too Late
What is happening? To my body that is!! When I was a young teenager I was really skinny. I even went to the doctor to find out why I wasn’t gaining weight. He prescribed some pills. They were probably sugar pills for all I know, but they didn’t work. -
Cover That Hoo-ha
I’m sitting on a sandy beach towel. It’s the summer of 1978 and I coyly look toward the camera. Although my pose looks comfortable, I am inwardly hesitant and unsure. I feel like my swimsuit is comfortable and fits me. The blue is slimming on my hips and the bold white and pink chevron draws the eyes up. My feminine asserts…my boobs were the focus. But even with this beautiful body in a gorgeous, flattering suit…I feel self-conscious. -
Little Red Swimsuit
My body used to think the only piece of clothing I owned was a swimsuit. I worked at the YMCA as a lifeguard and swimming instructor. My “uniform” was a red one-piece swimsuit covered by my red YMCA jacket. When I wasn’t wearing my work suit, I was wearing a bikini, or a two-piece suit and sailing or water skiing on Beaver Dam Lake. I always felt proud of the way I filled out my suit. -
A Lifetime of Weight Concerns
Growing up I was always thinking about my weight. I was never happy with what I looked like. As a young child, I was painfully aware that I was so thin. The veins were so close to the surface of the skin that my chest appeared purple. Because of this, I would never wear anything with a V-neck or a low collar to hide this fact. -
Can Netflix Binging be Considered Self-Care?
I’ve never really thought much about self-care until recently. Previously, I feel like I just did certain things because I liked them. Now, I try to more consciously perform some self-care. Here is a list of the items I’m currently doing to take care of myself. -
Drunk on the Beach
Self-care is actually a way of life for me. I tend to do the things I like even when there are many things on my agenda that I put off as I don’t enjoy them. So, while looking over the list of topics that I have written down that is my self-care I feel that I mostly do self-care on a regular basis. -
Hippy Dippy vs Healthy and Grounded
How do you “self-care”?
Well, the first thing you need to know is “What IS self-care anyway? According to the Googles, it is “doing something that helps your body, mind or soul feel good”.
Hippy Dippy
Oh god, this brings up visions of a bubble bath in a claw-footed tub, a meditation on an Indian-patterned pillow in a sunlit studio, yoga on an open patio overlooking the ocean, and long walks in an old-growth forest. So hippy-dippy, so self-indulgent and unrealistic.
Now, the other day, I was walking on a cool morning along a country road. The road was lined with dandelions. Millions and billions of dandelions. I know Evie and Stella (my Golden Retriever walking companions) thought I was crazy as I slowed down and began to take pictures. Then I reached down to one random flower/weed and plucked it. And you know what we used to do as kids? We would rub the flower under our chin and ask…”Do I like butter?”
If there was yellow pollen on your neck, you did. -
Take Care of You for Me
I have always loved the words “take care of you for me and I’ll take care of me for you.” This is a principle that I had to learn over time. I am a pleaser and often would do things for friends or family to my detriment. -
Midlife MasterClass–Trailer
You will be able to tune into the podcast beginning January 2022. I’m starting a podcast called “Midlife MasterClass”.
A couple of weeks ago I asked for help in choosing between two podcast covers. One cover was a bold graphic design and the other was more personal with a picture of me. The overwhelming choice was the more personal picture. Thank you to everyone who commented and messaged me with encouragement.
Now I’m on to phase 2…the trailer for my podcast.
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Gray or Nay?!
I have been dying my hair since, I don’t know, about fifteen (I think). It feels like I HAVE always colored my hair and WILL always color my hair. However, it seems like I have been fighting with my daughter, Lisa, for years about the whole concept of “going gray”. She fears that I am continuing this procedure way past the time it is cool or attractive for me. I believe she SHOULD continue to dye her hair.
The question is, when is the proper time to just let it go gray? (Hopefully, when I say gray I mean a wonderful shade of white/silver-gray that complements my features, brings out the green in my eyes, gives me perky breasts, makes me look 10 pounds lighter, lengthens my legs …)
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Talking to Yourself
Last week, half of the sisters were out of town, so Lisa and I met one on one. These are rare occasions since we both have commitments that keep us very busy and out of trouble. I was thinking about how pleasant our visit was and then I got sidetracked (surprise, surprise).I realized as I thought back, that during our visit, I was sending myself very negative messages about guess who? ME. I have a wonderful relationship with my husband, my son, my sister and her husband, my nieces and their families, and my stepdaughter and her family. Sadly, the worst relationship I have seems to be with myself.
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My “Hot Tub Rules” for Underwear
Opening the top left drawer of my dresser in the bedroom, I need a fresh pair of underwear. However, the drawer is filled with so many items besides the needed unders. This is where I store 1/2 ream of printed emails that my husband sent to me in the year before we got married. It holds 18 old mother’s day cards from my three children, 8 bibs from races that I’ve run and 4 metals from three half-marathons and one full marathon that I ran, and 12 multi-colored headbands.
At first glance, it holds everything EXCEPT underwear. Do I not own underwear? Do I even wear underwear?Have you ever given any thought to the idea that underwear should be considered when making a commitment to yourself about self-care? Well, let me tell you a story…
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Update–8 Weeks Later
Whenever I’ve done one of those life evaluation surveys or goal setting or tried to start a new habit, it always feels so good to begin on a Monday or on the first day of the month. I’m not a big fan of January 1 resolutions. But I do like re-evaluations and starting new habits at the beginning of seasons–fall and summer both coincide with the beginning/end of a school year. But this time I’ve gone rogue and set myself up with a public weight loss challenge.
I posted 8 weeks ago that I planned to drop 8 pounds because bulge had crept to my middle and set up housekeeping. Now it was time to lose those 8 pounds. I stated that I would provide an update on June 1st…
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What to Do When Your Body is Falling Apart
What do you do when your an active woman with a full life and your body starts to fall apart? Well, I made an appointment to see my primary care physician…
Midlife: That time in your life when you finally get your head together and your body starts to fall apart! At the office visit, my doctor informed me that that I no longer needed a mammogram, pap smear, or colonoscopy. I found this interesting so I asked, “Why is that?” He skirted around the question, but I guessed, “You mean I am just too old?”
Well, the fact is, say…if cancer is detected, I am actually too old to go through the process of working on a cure or whatever….
WOW!
HELLO?
Let that sink in a moment.
That made me feel, kind of, sort of WEIRD.
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Be True To Yourself
While we are all trying to improve ourselves and make the most out of our lives, one thing that we must keep in mind is to be true to yourself. Following what society expects or desires you to be or to look like or to accomplish does nothing for you if you don’t agree with those expectations. All you end up doing is frustrating yourself. Here are 5 things to consider when trying to fit into society’s expectations and also be true to yourself. -
How Do I Love Thee – Let Me Count The Ways…
What do I love about myself is the question of the day. It’s a challenging question to answer because people tend to focus more on the negative aspects of themselves. I’m choosing to try to be more positive, so I’m actually having a hard time picking just one thing. That will most likely sound conceited to some. Here are a few things that I’m proud of about myself. -
I Love Me – I Love Me Not!
What is something I love about myself? And Why? Good grief. When someone asks me a question like this, my first response is “I have absolutely no idea”. Then when I get quiet and dig deeper, I find a thing or two. -
Compliments vs. Insults
I’ve had a tough time writing this post. I’ve erased and started over multiple times. I wrote it to the end once and when I read it back to myself. I wanted to gag, so it too was deleted.The truth is, I don’t remember being complimented. It is much easier to remember the snarky remarks and yes, even the insults. Compliments? Not so much.
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I AM ENOUGH!!
I’m trying to think of what my best compliment is. Is this an easy thing for other people to come up with? I’ve been thinking about this and I seem to only think of insults that I’ve received. Unfortunately, it’s very easy to come up with a lot of negative comments or insults, but not as easy to come up with the compliments. I think that’s a problem for a lot of people. The negative things are much easier to believe. What’s the quote from Pretty Woman… “People put you down enough, you start to believe it.” and “The bad stuff is easier to believe… ever notice that?”
