A Lifetime of Weight Concerns

Growing up I was always thinking about my weight.  I was never happy with what I looked like.  As a young child, I was painfully aware that I was so thin.  The veins were so close to the surface of the skin that my chest appeared purple. Because of this, I would never wear anything with a V-neck or a low collar to hide this fact.

Moving into middle school and high school, I was always concerned with what I considered to be cottage-cheese thighs.  I was a cheerleader and those skirts were rather short.  My concern was always what it would look like if my thighs were jiggling as I jumped around.  Even though when I graduated, I weighed 100 lbs, I still always felt I was too heavy.

Next, in college, I remember coming home for Christmas break and while sitting at the breakfast table, Grandma Is stated “Boy – looks like you’ve put on a few pounds”.  I hollered “I don’t have to take this!” and stormed to my room.  I had definitely put on the freshman 15.  Turns out, that eating Lucky Charms for breakfast, lunch, and dinner does not do any favors to the weight department.

I now look back at those days and realize how lucky I was and how blessed I was to have the figure I did.  I see pictures of myself sitting on the beach in a swimsuit from those years and think how amazing I looked.  I don’t see the cottage-cheese thighs that my teenage self saw.  I don’t see the small boobs that my younger self was so concerned about.  

I recently wore a swimsuit for the first time in about 5 years and was around people that I graduated high school with.  I was extremely nervous about what they would think.  It turns out that they aren’t much better off than I am.  The guys all had fluffy tummies.  Some of the girls did too and they didn’t seem to be concerned about it.  I thought to myself, “If they aren’t worried about it, maybe I shouldn’t be either.”  It was a very freeing moment for me.  Finally – I let myself see the positive side of my body instead of thinking that my body left something to be desired.

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