Growing up I was always thinking about my weight. I was never happy with what I looked like. As a young child, I was painfully aware that I was so thin. The veins were so close to the surface of the skin that my chest appeared purple. Because of this, I would never wear anything with a V-neck or a low collar to hide this fact.
Moving into middle school and high school, I was always concerned with what I considered to be cottage-cheese thighs. I was a cheerleader and those skirts were rather short. My concern was always what it would look like if my thighs were jiggling as I jumped around. Even though when I graduated, I weighed 100 lbs, I still always felt I was too heavy.
Next, in college, I remember coming home for Christmas break and while sitting at the breakfast table, Grandma Is stated “Boy – looks like you’ve put on a few pounds”. I hollered “I don’t have to take this!” and stormed to my room. I had definitely put on the freshman 15. Turns out, that eating Lucky Charms for breakfast, lunch, and dinner does not do any favors to the weight department.
I now look back at those days and realize how lucky I was and how blessed I was to have the figure I did. I see pictures of myself sitting on the beach in a swimsuit from those years and think how amazing I looked. I don’t see the cottage-cheese thighs that my teenage self saw. I don’t see the small boobs that my younger self was so concerned about.
I recently wore a swimsuit for the first time in about 5 years and was around people that I graduated high school with. I was extremely nervous about what they would think. It turns out that they aren’t much better off than I am. The guys all had fluffy tummies. Some of the girls did too and they didn’t seem to be concerned about it. I thought to myself, “If they aren’t worried about it, maybe I shouldn’t be either.” It was a very freeing moment for me. Finally – I let myself see the positive side of my body instead of thinking that my body left something to be desired.