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Shame on You

Worry, shame, suffering, depression, regret…sucky emotions that I try to avoid in my life at all costs. 

A Wise old woman was talking to a girl and said,

“There are two wolves always fighting inside me.

One is filled with anger, hate, jealousy, shame, and lies.

The other wolf is filled with love, joy, truth, and peace.

This battle rages inside of you and all people.”

 

The girl thought for a moment and asked,

“Which wolf will win?”

 

The Wise old woman answered,

“The one you feed.” 

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Losing Loved Ones

familyIn contemplating what my greatest fear is, I’d have to say it’s the fear of loss.  The idea of losing a member of my family is unbearable to me.  Whether it’s my sister, my mom or dad, my aunt, any of my kids, or any of my family, the thought brings me to tears.  Continue reading

Lost Souls in Frames

fearsIt is hard to focus on just one of my greatest fears.  It seems I have several.  But to minimize them here is the first one:  I am, and have been terrified of being in an auto accident and dying from the result.  This has gone on for as long as I can remember.  When I was younger I would actually decline going out of town, especially when my husband was driving, as I was terrified of getting killed in an auto accident.  I overcame it for a while, but I must say I think being more aware of my mortality at this time, it has come back to haunt me.  Continue reading

Money Will Take Care of Itself

Money is a loaded topic to me.  When I was younger, I never really gave money too much of a thought.  We always seemed to have enough money to do the things I wanted to do and buy the things I wanted to buy.  I had no reason to feel deprived by a lack of money.  Continue reading

Too Much Money?

too much moneyTo me, money is a “means to an end.    It definitely tends to rule the world.  It seems everything is about having money, earning money, wanting money, or not having enough money.  Can you ever have enough money?  It seems not so.  Continue reading

Piggy Bank Love

I loved my piggy bank. When I was 6 years old, I would pull the plastic plug out of her belly and dump the pennies, nickels, dimes, and quarters out onto my bed. Next, I would sort the coins into piles. Then I would organize the piles into smaller groups of 100 cents. I felt rich. 

As a 12-year-old, my mom would give me spending money for our yearly family vacation. During the week-long camping trip at Jellystone Campground, I had the opportunity to go mini-golfing and to spend my money on treats and souvenirs. It felt so powerful to have the choice to buy as much ice cream as I wanted–or not. I would walk around the camp store every day admiring the mugs, keychains, and refrigerator magnets. I could buy any of these things. But I didn’t.  Instead, I always counted my leftover money at the end of the week and added it to my piggy bank. I felt rich. Continue reading

The Love of Money is the Root of All Evil

Love of moneyWhen I was a little girl, I didn’t think much about money. I received a small allowance which went into my piggy bank.  From time to time, Mom would take me to the bank to deposit my money. I enjoyed watching my savings grow and to be honest, I don’t remember what I used it for.  Each birthday and Christmas, I would receive money from my relatives and it was earmarked for the savings account.  Continue reading

My Bucket List in Retrospect

bucketOne of the things to do today is to compose a bucket list. Perhaps I have a very simple mind or am very satisfied with my life but as I start this writing, I don’t have one. Perhaps, I could write down my list in retrospect. Maybe because I’m one of the older Sidetracked Sisters, I have already accomplished some of the items that would be on my “Bucket List”.  Continue reading

The Bucket List: Fill, Empty, and Repeat

I’ve always believed in goals, dreams, and bucket lists. But that doesn’t mean that they are easy for me.

Back in college, I spent the summer of 1985 in Washington DC at a church Youth Leadership Training Conference. Everyone worked full-time and attended activities and training in the evenings and on weekends. 

During one of the first trainings, we were encouraged to have daily “quiet time” when we were supposed to read the Bible and pray. One of the goals of this activity was to gain clarity on our life goals.

Unfortunately, God did not reach his gaze down and bestow this wisdom upon me.

I knew that I wanted to finish my degree, get married, and have 13 children. This sounded pretty godly and was approved–as long as I looked to and depended upon my future husband as my head and leader.

Yeah. Right. Continue reading