I’ve always had a poor body image about myself.  From feelings of being too thin to feelings of being overweight, I have never been happy about how my body looked.

As a young child, I was very thin and would never wear anything that would reveal my chest because my chest appeared purple.  There was not a lot of padding on my chest; therefore, the veins were very close to the surface, resulting in the purple-ish hue of my skin.  So, throughout my childhood, I wore boat neck shirts or turtlenecks, never scoop or v-necked shirts.

As I got older, that issue disappeared and changed into the issue of feeling too heavy.  I was in high school, wearing my cheerleader uniform and feeling like I had cottage cheese thighs.  Keep in mind, I was 5’ 6” and only weighed about 110 lbs.  I look back at that time in my life and am appalled that I used to feel that way.

I’ve tried a few diets and haven’t come across any that I’m able to continue for any length of time.  I’ve tried the following:

1. Weight Watchers – couldn’t commit to counting points for the rest of my life.  Also, the idea of going to a weekly meeting at the Senior Citizen Center and weighing in just made me depressed.
2. Atkins – this diet was easy for me to follow, but couldn’t sustain me long term.  As I’m not a fan of vegetables, I would just eat eggs, meat, and cheese and call it a day.  Screw those veggies.
3. Cabbage Soup Diet – this one was GROSS.  I made the soup and it stunk up the whole apartment.  Then we needed to transport it home and when doing so, someone put the kettle of soup on top of a garbage can in the car, thinking that would be more stable and of course, it dumped all over the car.  Oh, what a smell!  I don’t think I ever ate the soup because I couldn’t get past the odor of it.
4. Metabolife 356 – this diet pill was amazing and using it was the last time I actually lost weight.  Unfortunately, the ephedra in this pill had negative health effects and was taken off the market.  The supplements were associated with cases of heart attack, seizure, stroke, and sudden death. I personally loved the adrenaline feeling this pill gave and when coupled with a Diet Coke, gave me a buzz that fueled my day.
5. 21-day fix – this was a great diet.  It consisted of color-coded containers that corresponded to a type of food.  Red for protein, green for veggies, purple for fruits, yellow for carbs, etc.  Based on your weight and your goal, you needed to eat a certain number of containers each day.  I found this one easy to do but I still didn’t follow it for a length of time.

The latest and best diet I’ve done is No BS Weight Loss by Corrine Crabtree.  When listening to Corrine’s podcast, she said something that instantly drew me in.  She said, “We aren’t going to count fucking calories!”  I was sold. The premise of No BS Weight Loss is that if you aren’t hungry…  don’t eat!  Imagine that!  You are instructed to eat mindfully.  While you are eating, you should always be thinking, “Have I had enough?” and “Am I satisfied?”  If you’ve had enough and you are satisfied, then STOP EATING!  With that mindset, I’ve been able to get rid of 25 lbs in 5 months.  

One final part of Corrine’s plan involves stopping negative self-talk.  This is the hardest part for me to follow.  I’ve come to realize that the negative talk in my head is significant. 

Another thing I think is important when working on a diet is not thinking of it as a diet, but looking at it as a lifestyle.   I also am undergoing coaching to help me evaluate my thoughts about life. This is helping me to understand why I think the way I do.

I’m also trying to journal every day to discuss my feelings about food, weight, and life.  This is another aspect of Corrine’s program and to me, this is almost the hardest part of it all. I’ve fallen off the wagon on my journaling but plan to get back to it.

There are a few things I think contributed to my concern about my body image:

1. Watching Mom and Lisa interact when Lisa was in high school and Mom being concerned about her eating too much and gaining weight
2. Listening to Mom complain about how her saddlebags looked and how she needed to lose weight
3. Having Grandma Doris say “Boy Michelle, you are built like a brick shit house” (after hearing this one, I told her she was built like a pear)
4. Having Grandma Doris say “Come here girls, let’s see whose butt is bigger” (yes, she actually would say this)
5. Feeling as if sweets and treats were forbidden, therefore when any sweets and treats were available to me, I would binge on them until I wanted to puke

I’ve tried quite a few different diets over the years, but none have made as much sense to me as the No BS Weight Loss plan.  This is one that seems to be a true lifestyle that I can stick with…  especially if I’m not counting fucking calories!!

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