My attempts at “parenting” have taken many forms. My first hint of what parenting looked like was at a distance with my two nieces. I lived out of state. I always made sure birthday gifts were received on time and was always available by phone but unlike the real thing, their parents did the heavy lifting. As the girls grew older, I had the wonderful experience of being a confidante and a mentor. I enjoyed this relationship with all my heart and still do. I do understand that this was not “real” parenting. Continue reading →
I’m trying to think of what my best compliment is. Is this an easy thing for other people to come up with? I’ve been thinking about this and I seem to only think of insults that I’ve received.
Unfortunately, it’s very easy to come up with a lot of negative comments or insults, but not as easy to come up with the compliments. I think that’s a problem for a lot of people. The negative things are much easier to believe. What’s the quote from Pretty Woman… “People put you down enough, you start to believe it.” and “The bad stuff is easier to believe… ever notice that?”
I resisted having a cell phone for years. The thought of having a phone “on me” all the time gave me the creeps. Then I took a job out of town that took me away from home at all different hours and in all different seasons, rain and snow and I gave in.
Before I knew it, I had just the “right” cell phone. My blackberry even had to match my glasses. In no time at all I was hooked. I couldn’t leave home without it.
I dislike cooking. I find cooking, on average, a waste of time. First of all, you have to decide what to make, then you have to go to the store. Another thing I dislike to do and purchase the ingredients Then you spend hours making your delicacy, it takes ten minutes to eat it, and then, guess what, you get to clean the mess up. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy cooking when the house is clean and everything is done, and I am cooking for a get together of family and/or friends. The key here, everything else needs to be done.
I want to be the mom who has kids, that when they mess up, never think “mom’s gonna kill me”. I want their first thought to be “I need to call my mom”. Where did I hear that recently??? It makes me wonder…What builds that kind of relationship? Perhaps the following three events would qualify.
Number one…I pick up Aubrey from her dance class. She is now big enough to sit in the front seat. She holds my hand as we crank the music to the Broadway musical “Mama Mia”. We sing along to “Dancing Queen” at the top of our voices.
Two…I sit on the couch in the living room. My laptop rests between us, our feet resting on the coffee table. We share the 20-year-old crocheted afghan my grandma made for me when I moved into my first apartment after college. Kadon made us “extra butter” microwave popcorn and we are watching a movie he thought I would like…”Wine Country”. (Amy Poehler directs menopausal friends on an eventful and emotional weekend trip).) It was the perfect Netflix choice for a mom and her 14-year-old son!?!
And three…Luka struggles in school. He would rather clean crusty bathroom toilets than go over flashcards for a Global Studies test. But as it gets late, I grab the cards that we made together. He lays on his bed. I read the questions as I scratch his back. He gives the answer and flips the card to check the correctness. As we finish the last card, he sleepily says, “Thanks…I love you mom.”
It’s the small stuff. I think I am building relationships with my kids, block by block, one happy moment at a time.
I have lots of happy parenting memories! There was no question in my mind growing up that I wanted to be a parent. I loved babies!! It was when they started getting a little older that I started to question the idea. I was never the greatest babysitter. I wanted the kids to cooperate and listen to me obediently, but as any parent knows, that’s not what kids do!!
Am I lazy or just inadequate?? I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Both in my personal life and my work life. In my work life, I’ve said for years that I want to get back to my computer programming/development skills. I have all the tools I need to refresh this information in my head, so why don’t I accomplish this? What is holding me back from accomplishing this goal?
I was the youngest of three girls and I quickly learned how to act so that my sisters would be pleased with me. The other side of this spinning coin is, I have often been devastated when someone close to me says mean things to or about me. I can never understand why they would want to be hurtful. This results in me wanting to do something or try something, but being held back by the abuse I allow myself to suffer in the opinions of others.
I have a confession to make. I don’t cook very often. My husband was raised in the restaurant business and started scraping gum off the bottom of tables with a putty knife when he was too little to remember. One thing led to another and he started food preparation when he was very young. Being around food and people who cooked well caught on with him.