The women in my life are facing many changes and it’s brought to mind the idea that to have the kind of life you want, you need to let go of what you don’t want in your life. So it’s time to ask myself, what kind of life do I want and what do I need to let go of in order to obtain that kind of life?
The first thing that comes to my mind is the clutter that I’ve accumulated since I moved out on my own. I tend to be a pack-rat and my basement contains so much clutter. The storage room contains toys and games from when the children were little, ceramics that Grandma Is never got around to painting, old prom dresses, etc. For whatever reason – I have a hard time letting go of the old stuff. By letting go of this clutter, I can make room for the new and simplify my home. I’ve currently been cleaning up some of the paperwork clutter. I’ve been shredded old documents that I’ve been holding onto dating back to 1986!!! (Don’t ask me why I’ve been saving documents for that long!!!)Continue reading →
As a child, my body was an absolute bean pole, skinny that is. I actually went to the doctor as a teenager to get something to help me gain weight. He, of course, thought I was nuts, but gave me some kind of a prescription (probably just sugar pills). He said, “Someday you will wish you were this way.” Boy, was he right!
Then there is my hair. I am old, so to speak, and I can truthfully say I have yet to find a hairstyle that I feel is me. I can only keep trying. I am still waiting for my prime. I think it has come and gone, but one can only hope. Some days, I can actually say “What the hell”, and then others it frustrates me. I think that is normal for most people. Well – it is for me.
OMG – this year will mark my 50th birthday. Thinking about this has brought to mind some things that need to change and some goals I need to achieve. I’m currently single, overweight, and will soon have no kids at home. It’ll be just me and the animals. Do I want to spend the next part of my life in the same way that I’ve been living? Continue reading →
My aha moment came many weeks, months, after my retirement last year. I realized it after 56 years of working as a paralegal/legal secretary for the same firm my boss retired and the office closed. It is hard to break old habits, like cleaning at night and on weekends, never having any free time without feeling guilty, and being able to have some free time for myself. My aha moment came when one day many months later I realized, while I was on a road trip with a friend, that I didn’t have any real-time constraints other than my family needing me to come back for things such as cleaning, cooking, driving grandkids around, you know, the usual. We were driving along and I thought aha, I am on my own at this moment and don’t have to go to work. No one was expecting me to get out a will, do divorce papers, real estate documents, correspondence, and the list goes on. Continue reading →
What is something I love about me? And Why? Good grief. When someone asks me a question like this, my first response is “I have absolutely no idea”. Then when I get quiet and dig deeper, I find a thing or two.
When I was a little girl, I always felt like I didn’t have any friends. I was raised in a neighborhood of all boys. Play revolved around playing cowboys and Indians and other games that involved me being the only girl. I must say since I was the only one with cowboy boots and a holster set, I often played a lead role. I would pretend to be Roy Rogers or The Lone Ranger. Most of the boys were younger and smaller than I was so they didn’t argue with me. They followed my lead.
Am I lazy or just inadequate?? I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Both in my personal life and my work life. In my work life, I’ve said for years that I want to get back to my computer programming/development skills. I have all the tools I need to refresh this information in my head, so why don’t I accomplish this? What is holding me back from accomplishing this goal?
I recently read the book “All About Love” and connected with the author, bell hooks, when she said that “Women believe it is a sign of commitment, an expression of love, to endure unkindness or cruelty, to forgive and forget”.
I was married during college to a bright and passionate young man. We were married for 12 tumultuous years. During that time, I believed that everything must be done to save the relationship.
They DO. But…I’m very careful about what I say out loud. There’s a certain power that dreams–shared and spoken aloud–have in my life. A few of my biggies have been completing my master’s degree, adopting my kids, running a marathon. I committed and then took small, methodical steps to work toward the goal. I am slow and steady. I believe in planning your work and working your plan.
I love it when I am working toward a goal. Big goals public goals are easiest. It’s much harder for me to walk the walk in the little, more private, things. I believe in making my bed and walking Stella every morning, shining my kitchen sink reading to my kids every night. Many years ago I read an inspirational book called Living a Beautiful Life. I was inspired to do the little things that add up to the kind of life I want for myself.
Right now I’m struggling to incorporate…re-incorporate DAILY meditation into my life. I believe in the power and positive benefits of meditation. I love the calm I gain…the focus and the clarity that just IS when I am in a regular practice of meditation. I preach this to my kids. I read practical books to give me insights like Just Sit: A Meditation Guidebook for People Who Know They Should But Don’t. I have gone through months when I have regularly sat and gotten my zen on every day.
But then something happened. My routine changed…probably the school year stated and I fell into a new rhythm–one WITHOUT daily meditation. Starting a new school year doesn’t stop my other routines, I brush my teeth every day and make myself a protein shake for breakfast. I do lots of activities religiously and I don’t cycle on and off. What is different about mediation? Are the effects not as annoying as hunger, not as pathetic as Stella’s patient waiting, not as disgusting as rotten teeth? I love accomplishment and routine, maybe I haven’t linked my ability or inability to accomplish to my ability or inability to meditate. Maybe that is what is holding me back from the next series of goals that loom unfulfilled in my future?
I have this slow cycle of regular mediation practice followed by 0 practice. Whatever the excuse, its time to get back and practice what I preach. There. I think I’ve just said it out loud.