Lessons in Listening

When we moved back to Wisconsin in 1991, we asked my Mom to move in with us. She was 74 years old at the time and had been widowed since she was 55. We could tell immediately that she liked being back with some of her family. Mom never was one to enjoy living alone. We loved having her, especially because our son Matt was only 2 ½. Having her with us gave my Mom and Matt time to be together and to get to know each other. 

We did have an adjustment to make, adding back another person to our family. Two women under the same roof had their moments of trial and tribulation. At the same time, it was a relief to know that someone was here for Matt. Michael and I were working at the furniture store all day. We were relieved that we didn’t have to find sitters for Matt. 

As Mom grew older, she developed some health problems. She had to have her hip eplaced and needed help with elastic stockings and doing her PT every day. It was wonderful that she did not have to go to a nursing home to rehab after surgery. 

The one health challenge that Mom developed was her hearing loss. It had started before we moved in together and got worse as time went on. This drove me crazy. I know it wasn’t kind of me, but it seemed like I had to repeat everything 2 or 3 times before she would hear it. I had to remind myself that hearing aids were not hearing cures and could only help so much.

She would complain about not being able to follow the plot on TV and say we should just turn it off. We explained that the rest of us were enjoying the program. We would try to fill her in on what was happening, but this annoyed her. Sometimes, when I was in a hurry to be somewhere or to get something done, I became annoyed at having to repeat myself numerous times. She would get quiet about my annoyance. She wore hearing aids, but they did not seem to go far enough. They also had batteries, and it always seemed that they would go dead at just the wrong moment. 

I often felt bad about my lack of patience, but I couldn’t seem to help it. Mom passed away in 2004. I still miss her and even find myself talking to her as if she is still here. One thing I talk about with her is my need to apologize for my lack of patience about her lack of hearing. 

Fast forward 20 years, and now I am the one with hearing loss. I find myself saying What, or I didn’t get that or Could you repeat yourself, please? Now, I understand how Mom must have felt. I don’t like that I can’t hear like I used to. I have invested in hearing aids, and they do help, but it’s not like having great hearing like I used to have. 

I do believe it’s a Karmic world and what goes around comes around. People seem to think there is something I can do about it. There’s not. As my niece would say, 

Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, 

I am my mother, after all.

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