The Glue That Held Us Together

I remember thinking my Mom was the hardest-working person I had ever met. She made sure the house was always neat and clean. The downstairs got cleaned on Fridays and the upstairs on Thursdays. When the house was in the least bit faded, Mom painted the living room and other rooms by herself. When I was little, my Dad wore starched white dress shirts. Daily. Mom would sprinkle them and keep them in the fridge so they wouldn’t mildew. Then every week, she would iron these shirts until they were perfect. 

My sister Kathy was diagnosed with Multiple sclerosis when I was about nine years old. She worked at the local grocery store in addition to cleaning, laundry, and ironing. My mom was also Kathy’s caregiver. In addition to all of this, she also kept Dad’s paperwork orderly and helped him with his orders and applications. She also cooked the meals and ensured we were where we needed to be on time. She didn’t drive so we had to make arrangements to ride with other kids to school or if that wasn’t possible, we had to have time to walk to school. 

Over time, I began to understand that Mom was the glue that held our family together. When Kathy passed away Mom was the one that helped us all deal with our grief.

She enlisted help from Sandy and me at times. Sandy got the most physical jobs because I was the youngest daughter. As we got older, my job evolved into helping Mom care for Kathy. I knew that Mom needed my help, especially on the weekend evenings. This was when she and Dad would socialize with their friends and Dad’s clients.

Mom and Dad had a good marriage. They had a few arguments, but Mom always made sure that they talked things over before they went to bed. A few times, Dad would get angry and take a ride in the car. I could tell this really upset Mom and yet she was the one that kept us calm and reassured us that everything would be fine. 

She was patient, loving, and hardworking. I always thought that she didn’t think things over on her own until I was a teenager and she impressed me with her knowledge and ability to think things out. She imparted wisdom to me and gave me a window into how important a strong woman can be to a family.

Mom came to live with us several years after Dad passed away. She was widowed at age 55. For the first several years she had a hard time being social and getting out of the house. Finally, she joined bridge groups and found friends to spend time with.

I enjoyed sharing Mom’s stories about her childhood and growing up. Her father passed away in a falling accident. He was working as a carpenter and fell from the top of a three-story convent in Cambellsport, WI.

Mom was the oldest of the two girls and had four brothers. Two brothers were older, and two were younger. Grandma had to get a job to support the family, which meant that Mom helped with raising the boys and keeping up the housework. Grandma worked as a dishwasher at the Hotel Rogers. It wasn’t a glamorous job, but it paid the bills and kept food on the table. 

Mom did well in school. She was shy and quiet and trained to be a legal secretary. Sadly, these were depression times, and lawyers couldn’t afford secretaries. So, to help make ends meet,  Mom went to work at the Hotel as a waitress. There was a silver lining to this decision. There was a handsome salesman who stayed at the Hotel several nights a week. He would ask for mom. This was the beginning of a lifelong relationship. In November of 1937, they were married. 

I found out after Mom moved in with us that Grandma did not approve of the marriage. Dad was Methodist, and Grandma was a staunch Catholic. Grandma and Dad were able to settle their differences when Grandma saw how well Dad treated Mom. Dad also went out of his way to make sure that Grandma was included in our family events and that when she needed help, he was there for her.

One night, I was complaining about not having what I wanted to wear to school the next day. Mom sat me down and explained that when she was in school, she had two jumpers in her wardrobe. She made several blouses to wear under the jumpers. The sleeves were made of material. The body of the blouses was made of feed bags. There was no money to buy enough material for the whole blouse. I couldn’t imagine living with so little. 

I was fascinated with Mom’s stories of when she was growing up. She shared with me the story about the woman next door. She was pregnant and getting bigger every day. Mom tested the water by asking Grandma what was wrong with the neighbor. Mom knew the truth but wondered what Grandma would say.  Grandma just scoffed and said that she didn’t wear a girdle. She skirted the issue as she often did. 

When Mom got her period the first time, she hid her panties and was afraid she was dying. When it happened again the next month, Mom started asking questions. Back in the day, there were no disposable pads so Mom was given rags which she had to wash out every evening. No wonder, in the old days, they used to call it “the curse”.

Mom sewed beautifully. She wanted us to have clothes we were proud of. When my sister, Sandy, was in High School, Mom made a new skirt for her for every dance. The deal was if we cooked and set the table for dinner, she would keep on sewing. When I was in High School, Mom made me a beautiful coat to go over my prom formal. It was made of satin. The body of the coat was a deep green and the sleeves were a creamy white to match my dress. Her talents always amazed me. She also made homecoming dresses and a myriad of wonderful pieces. 

I will always cherish the memories we shared when Mom came to live with us. She and our son, Matt developed a very close relationship. I was pleased that they got to share good times and get to know each other. He was two and a half when we all moved in together. 

Mom passed away in our home on September 22, 2004. She passed peacefully, surrounded by all of her family.

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