Lessons in Love
Do I want this relationship or not?
It’s a question I’ve asked myself more times than I care to admit, with friends and partners alike. In my life, I’ve mostly been behind the wheel when deciding whether to continue or end a relationship. (And trust me, my driving skills aren’t exactly known for being smooth.)
I’ve written before about my ex-husband, Tom.
But one night in October, it finally hit me: I had given up way too much control in my life. I was walking on eggshells all. the. time. (And let me tell you, that’s exhausting.) Finally, I was done. I said the words that would change everything: “I want a divorce.”
Fast forward a bit, and there I was, working as a teacher at the Early Learning Center with an amazing group of women. I loved those ladies! When I met my now-husband, Craig, he couldn’t understand why I traveled 30 minutes to work every day when I could easily get a teaching job closer to home. “I work with the greatest people!” I replied. And I meant it.
Even though I’ve been away from education for four years now, I still get together with some of them. But here’s the truth (and I wish I were better at this): I get to decide how close and deep these friendships go. I’m the one who chooses whether to devote time, attention, and energy to these relationships. If I’m uplifted by someone’s company, it’s really up to me to be a friend… or not.
I understand that not everyone gets to make the call on whether a relationship ends, but somehow, I’ve usually been the one doing the deciding. (Not to sound like a relationship overlord or anything, but… well, here we are.)
And that includes my relationship with Craig. This coming summer, we’ll be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary. (That’s 25 years, folks—holy smokes!)
I firmly believe that in so much of life, we get to decide what we want, and then we act on that decision. You commit to it, and then you follow through.
I made the decision when it was time to get divorced. I make the decision when I want to reach out to friends. And every day, I make the decision to put effort into my relationship with Craig to keep it strong.
And let me tell you, marriage is not a “set it and forget it” kind of deal. My relationship with Craig is perhaps the most challenging—and one of the most rewarding—experiences of my life. It takes work, patience, humor, and an occasional eye roll. But we’re still here, still choosing each other, one decision at a time.
Because that’s what love really is—deciding, again and again, to stay in it. Even when it’s messy. Even when it’s complicated. And especially when there’s a dog (or two) involved.
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