I got my hair cut–I mean CUT–right before 2nd grade. I was 7 years old. My mom had just gotten her 1960’s shoulder-length locks updated into the iconic 70’s shag. I loved her new do and wanted to be a grown-up who could make choices about my hair. So after much begging and pleading, mom relented. Thus was the beginning with my love/hate relationship with my hair.
I recently needed a change. I was feeling blah and stale. When I looked in the mirror, my middle-aged face, clothes, and body all looked tired. I smoothed my hands over my face. I ran my fingers through my hair. I looked at my self straight on and sideways. Then I saw it. The “girls” could use a lift. They were looking rather blobby and rounded. I think the terminology is “uni-boob”. I decided that I would begin a mini-makeover from the inside out. That is, clothing-wise, with my undergarments–my bra.
I come from a long like of conservative, modest, and frugal women. My mom has never seen a new bra that can compete with the dingy, ancient one that’s held together with safety pins. Arghhhh.
Now, I have recently been intrigued by some interesting new styles and brands of bras out there on Pinterest and on Facebook ads. But how do you buy a bra without trying it on first? (I have also never been able to buy a swimsuit–that I actually wore–without first trying it on in a store.) After analyzing strategy from the experts (my fellow Sidetracked Sisters) here are my 6 tips for a successful hunt!
I am well well-suited to write this post for I fulfill the top three qualifications to be the worst friend…
I’ve always loved being with friends, laughing and hanging with great women, drinking and sharing memories with others who appreciate a self-deprecating story.
What does it mean if I can’t tell a joke? I can’t even remember a joke. I only know one joke aficionado who, when he tells a joke, I impatiently wait for the end and try (often unsuccessfully) to NOT roll my eyes. Continue reading
I have a love/hate relationship with technology…specifically with cell phones and how people use them. It’s time for us all to sit back and see how our gadgets are also complicating our lives and putting up barriers between us and the people we love.
I am more myself in my garden than anywhere else. Its the place I feel most grounded. It is my happy place, my church.
I need to call Mom!
I want to be the mom who has kids, that when they mess up, never think “mom’s gonna kill me”. I want their first thought to be “I need to call my mom”. Where did I hear that recently??? It makes me wonder…What builds that kind of relationship? Perhaps the following three events would qualify.
Number one…I pick up Aubrey from her dance class. She is now big enough to sit in the front seat. She holds my hand as we crank the music to the Broadway musical “Mama Mia”. We sing along to “Dancing Queen” at the top of our voices.
Two…I sit on the couch in the living room. My laptop rests between us, our feet resting on the coffee table. We share the 20-year-old crocheted afghan my grandma made for me when I moved into my first apartment after college. Kadon made us “extra butter” microwave popcorn and we are watching a movie he thought I would like…”Wine Country”. (Amy Poehler directs menopausal friends on an eventful and emotional weekend trip).) It was the perfect Netflix choice for a mom and her 14-year-old son!?!
And three…Luka struggles in school. He would rather clean crusty bathroom toilets than go over flashcards for a Global Studies test. But as it gets late, I grab the cards that we made together. He lays on his bed. I read the questions as I scratch his back. He gives the answer and flips the card to check the correctness. As we finish the last card, he sleepily says, “Thanks…I love you mom.”
It’s the small stuff. I think I am building relationships with my kids, block by block, one happy moment at a time.
Where does the time go?
So often when I look back at days, weeks, months…or years, it feels like I just put my head down and plowed through my life. Accomplishing tasks. Meeting needs. Moving kids from point A to point B. Cooking. Cleaning.
I recently took a yoga teacher training where I learned about svadhyaya. In Sanskrit, it means studying yourself. I love to use journaling to do that. As I look back, I can break my life into several “times”.
Way back, when I was married to my ex, I lived rather thoughtlessly. There were just the two of us, both working, no kids. We watched froreign films with subtitles and used a French press to make our coffee. We explored book stores and listened to jazz music. He played his guitar and I worked in my flower gardens.
Now I have a family…husband. three kids. My time for the past twelve years has revolved around teaching, books, kids, survival.
But I feel like this time is changing, wrapping up, and I am preparing for the next chapter. I’ve been teaching for more than 20 years. Now my kids are older. I’m not moving toward retirement…exactly, but another chapter in my life. One where I’m finding more joy and purpose in writing and creating.
Transitions take energy, focus, and dedication. That’s what I’m doing. But, on a daily level, I too often act like I have all the time in the world to accomplish my dreams. At the end of the day, I realize that there wasn’t enough time to even accomplish the mundane, everyday tasks that were on my plate.
So. Here’s what is helping me…
Being a teacher, I love that my time is organized into blocks everyday and those blocks have a solid beginning and end. Accomplishment is inevitable because all the goals for my class are given a little time EVERY day.
That works in my personal life too. Call it the First Grade system of time management. Everything in a block of time and a block of time for everything.
I’ve been planning the week. Food and shopping. Don’t you find that the energy that shopping and cooking meals consumes a huge amount of energy in the week?
What are my work/life goals?–lay it out. Put it down on paper, sticky notes or journal. Make time for work, sleep, writing, reading, and play.
I schedule walking, yoga, meditation…my “self-care”. It’s not that there is no time for these things, rather, if I don’t value myself enough to honor and protect myself…well…no. one. else. will.
Where does time go?
There are large chunks of time in my day that are spoken for, parts that are committed. Then there are, of course, parts that I get to choose.
When I mindfully and thoughtfully choose, I make a commitment to myself and can create the life I want in the long run. But if I don’t plan for this ahead of time, it disappears…and MY time is a terrible thing to waste.
In my mind, cooking equals love. The thinking goes this way…
If I love you, I take care of you.
If I take care of you, I want you to be healthy.
If I want you to be healthy, I want you to eat good food.
If I want you to eat good food, I have to cook.
If I cook, then you won’t get processed or fast food.
If you don’t get processed or fast food, you will be healthy.
If you are healthy, it means that I am doing a good job of taking care of you.
If I am taking care of you, then I love you.
There is only so much within the control of a mom. I can only make my kids do so much. I can grocery shop and feed my family. If I feed them something out of a box, I feel like I’ve failed. I have set them up for future obesity, heart disease, and a life of culinary incompetence.
(I know, I’m a bit over the top here.)
Ok…a lot over the top.
I have been teased about my cooking. I put together strange combinations. Leftovers aren’t leftovers, they are the starting point for the next day’s meal. I cook more “almost homemade” than organic, free-range, or “close-to-home grown”.
If it is soup…I LOVE it! My latest specialty is solid soup.
Salt and pepper? Yeah.
Make couscous in a saucepan according to instructions. (I add a handful of kale or spinach.)
Salt and pepper? Yeah.
Sauté sliced up onion, celery, and a carrot.
Put this into a baking dish and add some protein—I put in the meat from a couple of leftover pieces of chicken.Then mix in 2 eggs and a can of cream of mushroom soup. Almost sounds like “Midwest Hotdish” or a variation of tater-tot casserole.
Well, good idea. Let’s go with the mushroom theme—sauté and a carton of mushrooms with a pinch of salt and place them on top. Generously sprinkle a handful or two of shredded cheddar cheese. Cover and bake at 350 for about a half-hour (or so) and WA LAH….
…just call it LOVE Casserole.
I recently read the book “All About Love” and connected with the author, bell hooks, when she said that “Women believe it is a sign of commitment, an expression of love, to endure unkindness or cruelty, to forgive and forget”.
I was married during college to a bright and passionate young man. We were married for 12 tumultuous years. During that time, I believed that everything must be done to save the relationship.
You might think that I have a touch of bi-polar with this one. You see, I definitely have a morning drink and an evening drink…and these two are at the opposite end of the beverage spectrum.
Do my actions match my words?
They DO. But…I’m very careful about what I say out loud. There’s a certain power that dreams–shared and spoken aloud–have in my life. A few of my biggies have been completing my master’s degree, adopting my kids, running a marathon. I committed and then took small, methodical steps to work toward the goal. I am slow and steady. I believe in planning your work and working your plan.
I love it when I am working toward a goal. Big goals public goals are easiest. It’s much harder for me to walk the walk in the little, more private, things. I believe in making my bed and walking Stella every morning, shining my kitchen sink reading to my kids every night. Many years ago I read an inspirational book called Living a Beautiful Life. I was inspired to do the little things that add up to the kind of life I want for myself.
Right now I’m struggling to incorporate…re-incorporate DAILY meditation into my life. I believe in the power and positive benefits of meditation. I love the calm I gain…the focus and the clarity that just IS when I am in a regular practice of meditation. I preach this to my kids. I read practical books to give me insights like Just Sit: A Meditation Guidebook for People Who Know They Should But Don’t. I have gone through months when I have regularly sat and gotten my zen on every day.
But then something happened. My routine changed…probably the school year stated and I fell into a new rhythm–one WITHOUT daily meditation. Starting a new school year doesn’t stop my other routines, I brush my teeth every day and make myself a protein shake for breakfast. I do lots of activities religiously and I don’t cycle on and off. What is different about mediation? Are the effects not as annoying as hunger, not as pathetic as Stella’s patient waiting, not as disgusting as rotten teeth? I love accomplishment and routine, maybe I haven’t linked my ability or inability to accomplish to my ability or inability to meditate. Maybe that is what is holding me back from the next series of goals that loom unfulfilled in my future?
I have this slow cycle of regular mediation practice followed by 0 practice. Whatever the excuse, its time to get back and practice what I preach. There. I think I’ve just said it out loud.