Poop Happens

poopNot everyone is able to handle baby poop, but for a mom – it’s not such a big deal.  I did a lot of babysitting as a young teenager and was very accustomed to dealing with a baby’s needs.  As a new mom – I never thought that not everyone has the same mentality about babies that I did.

Bradley was only 3 months old and I was giving him a bath while waiting for my friends to show up.  She was currently single and had never really done the babysitting thing.  When she got to my apartment, she came inside and came in the bathroom by me.  I finished giving Brad his bath and pulled him out of the tub.  While laying him down on the navy blue bath mat to dry him off, he decided it was time to poop and a huge mustard-yellow explosion happened.  

My friend Jane screamed “Oh my god!” and left the apartment.  She wouldn’t come back in until I assured her that everything was cleaned up.

Mental note:  Not everyone is ready to handle your child’s poop explosions

While Bradley was still a little baby, he was constipated and I was concerned so I asked Grandma Is what I should do.  She suggested giving him an enema.  I had no idea how to give a baby an enema and we didn’t have the Internet yet, so I just used the baby nose sucker and shot a little water up his butt.  It didn’t seem to do much so we went to bed. While living in this apartment, Bradley slept in a bassinet next to my bed.  In the middle of the night, he started crying, so in the dark, I picked him up and set him on my lap.  As I sat him on my lap, he slid off my legs.  Unbeknownst to me, the enema worked and he had pooped so much it filled the entire bassinet and was now covering him and my lap.

Mental note:  Turn on a light when picking your baby up in the middle of the night

poopWhen Jessica was born, we realized early on that her bottles had to be made with distilled or purified water instead of tap water.  If we gave her a bottle made with tap water, she would get constipated and be incredibly uncomfortable.  One night, before we learned this trick, Jessica hadn’t pooped in a day or two and I figured it was time for the enema. Remembering the incident with Bradley, I decided a suppository would be a better choice.  

I had Jess on the changing table and put it in.  Apparently, Jess’s body didn’t think that was a good idea and she farted – shooting the suppository out and across the room. I made the executive decision that apparently the suppository wasn’t going to work and I refused to do the enema again, so I just decided to deal with it.

Mental note:  A suppository needs to stay in for more than 5 seconds in order to work.

poopAs a little kid, Nathan felt it necessary to remove all his clothes when it was time to go to the bathroom.  While we were at home, we didn’t think much of it.  What would it hurt if he got naked while pooping?  Absolutely nothing.  Now, if you take this situation out to a restaurant, things get a bit interesting.

Picture this.  The entire family has gone out to eat at a local Chinese restaurant.  Nate decides he needs to go to the bathroom.  He’s only 4 years old, but we are located close to the bathrooms, so we let him go in by himself.  We continue eating and after a bit, realize that Nate hasn’t come back. We go to the door of the men’s room and ask a man that is just coming out if he’s seen a young boy in there.  The man chuckles and let’s us know that there is indeed a little boy in the bathroom and that he has stripped naked and is singing away.  We all got a chuckle out of that!

Mental note:  Getting naked while pooping frees your body to do it’s work. Singing helps too.

I was never that squeamish when I was younger, but becoming a mom made all of that go away.  I can deal with almost anything. Well, almost…

Who is 'Chelle

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