Somehow, in life, I was born a pleaser.
I was the youngest of three girls and I quickly learned how to act so that my sisters would be pleased with me. The other side of this spinning coin is, I have often been devastated when someone close to me says mean things to or about me. I can never understand why they would want to be hurtful. This results in me wanting to do something or try something, but being held back by the abuse I allow myself to suffer in the opinions of others.
I find myself sharing ideas that I have, only to set them aside when I get a negative reaction from those whose opinions I value. This seems to occur whenever I show an interest in something different or too far out of the ordinary.
My personal style is that I can find something in common with anyone. When they share an idea, I will show my support and encouragement. Often, I feel I must hide my most intimate desires. If I don’t, the ideas will be laughed at or used as a topic for ridicule.
I think I’ve actually reached a point in life where I am my own worst critic. I figure if I condemn one of my ideas before I act on it, I will beat the “naysayers” to the punch. What this has evolved into is that I often do not know what I want in any given situation. I can tell you what everyone else wants or what I don’t want. This is a very limiting way to think and I allow it to hold me back from jumping in and doing what is important to me.