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The Tangles That Shaped Me
When I was in junior high school, I found myself standing at a quiet crossroads that no one else seemed to notice. On the outside, I was just another kid trying to survive algebra class and navigate the middle school schedule. But inside, I already felt the tug of two very different paths. I seemed to be the daring one of the family, you know, “The Black Sheep”. I always wanted to do the undesired activity to prove that I could and would do what I wanted. -
Was It Fate, or Just a Yes?
When it comes to the idea of our lives being controlled by Fate, I have very mixed emotions. Some of my friends shrug and say, “Stuff happens,” as if life is completely out of their hands. Another one of those phrases is “It is what it is,” again implying that we’re ruled by fate. I’ve always had a hard time with that idea.I believe our consequences come at the end of a process that begins with our thoughts. What we think about shapes how we feel. Those feelings lead to actions, and our actions create results. In Catechism class and Sunday School, I was taught that we’ve been given the gift of free will, the ability to choose our own path. It’s those choices that determine how our lives unfold.
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When Fate Said “No”
There are moments in life when fate doesn’t announce itself with a sign or a sudden revelation. It arrives quietly, almost unnoticed, nudging us away from one path and toward another. I believe that’s what happened to me during one of the most difficult chapters of my life.When my father passed away, the world around me felt different, not just emotionally, but in how uncertain everything suddenly seemed to change. Grief has a strange way of rearranging your priorities. Things that once felt urgent or important no longer carried the same weight. Around that same time, a job transfer was presented to my husband. He had been in a manager training program, and this was the kind of offer where you periodically get transferred to other cities. On paper, it was the next logical step. It promised more pay, more responsibility, and the kind of advancement most people work years to achieve.
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Making the Wrong Decision
There is a 1980 song called “Freewill” by Rush that spoke to my adolescent metaphysical angst about the meaning of life. The repeating snippet that has stuck in my soul since I was a High School sophomore is…
“You can choose a ready guide in some celestial voice.
If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.”
I met my first husband, Tom, during the first week of my freshman year at college. He was tall and charismatic. The leader of his church student group, he seemed so sure of himself. Church leaders trusted him and were molding him to take a leadership role in the group. A confident musician, he sang and played guitar in the worship group during Sunday service. I saw him as talented, smart, and goal-driven.