Developing Relationships with Your Mother-in-Law

Mother-in-lawHere are six tips for having a good relationship with your mother-in-law.

Doris wasn’t just a mother-in-law, but a fabulous friend.  Personally, I feel she had quite a bit more to overlook in me in the beginning as I was selfish, opinionated, and just plain stupid. Example – I had my second child and was not up to par.  It was spring and, of course, flower planting time.  I being the perfectionist (and this is where stupid and selfish comes in) did the unthinkable…  To be nice she planted a peachy/pink bed of petunias in an area where I would usually put, I think, red.  Would you believe that when I felt up to it, I actually replaced her petunias with my preferred color?  When I think of that today I just cringe.  She never said a word, but I’ll bet she was not impressed with me.  

Tip 1 – Be thankful for the little things they do for you and be gracious

When my husband and I started going together we were of different religions.  I was with a girlfriend that was Lutheran, the same as my mother-in-law, and she said to me.  “Why doesn’t Art find a nice Lutheran girl to date?”  At the time I was appalled.  Today I think it is pretty funny as later in life I turned to Lutheran and she turned to the religion that I had been for her second husband.

Tip 2 – Don’t sweat the small stuff.  There is always tomorrow and things change

The two of us came from entirely different backgrounds.  She was a farm girl and I was a city brat.  Her taste was totally different than mine and we had a good time teasing about my exotic, or just plain different taste than hers.  One time after putting up a half-moon mirror in my family room I asked her what she thought and she replied, “I think it looks totally stupid.”  O.K. then!!!  I had grown up enough by this time to actually laugh it off and I still have that totally stupid mirror still hanging in my family room.

Tip 3 – Appreciate true honesty and don’t take it personally

She was always there when I needed her, or just a phone call away.  She actually got a warning ticket for speeding on Center Street to come and wash my kitchen floor.  I was getting ready for one of the girl’s weddings and she thought I could use some help.  The officer asked her where she was going in such a hurry, 50 in a 25-speed zone, and she said to wash my daughter-in-law’s floor. He gave her a warning, but I’ll bet there were a few laughs down at the station after that. I hope none of them knew me so as to judge me, expecting this poor older lady to wash my kitchen floor?.  

Tip 4 – Appreciate the things they do for you even if it is not necessary

When I planted my perennial garden I worked during the day and had to get my plants in after dark for some reason.  My mother and mother-in-law sat on logs in my backyard with flashlights to help me see what I was doing.  My backyard neighbor had to hang over the fence in the morning to see what the hell was going on. 

Tip 5 –  Appreciate the big things they do for you

I could go on and on.  She has since passed on and I miss her terribly.  I miss our late evening gab sessions on the phone.  Her stories that went on and on, and her being there for me was so enjoyable.  Sure, she made me a little crazy sometimes, but I learned to overlook her differences and she overlooked mine.  When she told me that I was more like a daughter to her than a daughter-in-law that was the ultimate compliment.  

Tip 6 –  Enjoy their differences and learn from them

They seem to have a book of knowledge that they love to share.  Remember that they also compete with your own mother on most occasions and also learn how not to tread on toes.

Who Is Sandy
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Letting Go, Decluttering and Streamlining

letting go

A magical night (in the perfect dress)

We work from the time we’re old enough to make money to buy stuff.  Actually, it’s true that there’s a lot of good stuff out there like collectibles, beautiful crystal, all of the issues of Oprah Magazine from Day one, clothes, furniture, decorations, and shoes (my special weakness). This is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to stuff. Then one day when we’re older, our desire to have things turns into the need and desire to purge and to work on letting go of the extras in your life.

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Changes are Coming – Time to Streamline My Life!

changesThe women in my life are facing many changes and it’s brought to mind the idea that to have the kind of life you want, you need to let go of what you don’t want in your life.  So it’s time to ask myself, what kind of life do I want and what do I need to let go of in order to obtain that kind of life?  

The first thing that comes to my mind is the clutter that I’ve accumulated since I moved out on my own.  I tend to be a pack-rat and my basement contains so much clutter. The storage room contains toys and games from when the children were little, ceramics that Grandma Is never got around to painting, old prom dresses, etc.  For whatever reason – I have a hard time letting go of the old stuff. By letting go of this clutter, I can make room for the new and simplify my home.  I’ve currently been cleaning up some of the paperwork clutter.  I’ve been shredded old documents that I’ve been holding onto dating back to 1986!!!  (Don’t ask me why I’ve been saving documents for that long!!!) Continue reading

How to be a (Worst) Friend

I am well well-suited to write this post for I fulfill the top three qualifications to be the worst friend…

I’ve always loved being with friends, laughing and hanging with great women, drinking and sharing memories with others who appreciate a self-deprecating story.

family friends

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50th Birthday – Setting Goals for the Year

OMG – this year will mark my 50th birthday.  Thinking about this has brought to mind some things that need to change and some goals I need to achieve.  I’m currently single, overweight, and will soon have no kids at home.  It’ll be just me and the animals.  Do I want to spend the next part of my life in the same way that I’ve been living?  Continue reading

Cell Phone Etiquette

Orange case phone and glasses cell etiquetteI resisted having a cell phone for years. The thought of having a phone “on me” all the time gave me the creeps.   Then I took a job out of town that took me away from home at all different hours and in all different seasons, rain and snow and I gave in.   

Before I knew it, I had just the “right” cell phone. My blackberry even had to match my glasses. In no time at all I was hooked. I couldn’t leave home without it.

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Becoming a Mom

Becoming a momI have lots of happy parenting memories!  There was no question in my mind growing up that I wanted to be a parent.  I loved babies!!  It was when they started getting a little older that I started to question the idea.  I was never the greatest babysitter.  I wanted the kids to cooperate and listen to me obediently, but as any parent knows, that’s not what kids do!!

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Lazy or Just Inadequate?

Am I lazy or just inadequate??  I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately.  Both in my personal life and my work life.  In my work life, I’ve said for years that I want to get back to my computer programming/development skills.  I have all the tools I need to refresh this information in my head, so why don’t I accomplish this?  What is holding me back from accomplishing this goal?

What is holding me back?

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I Was Born a Pleaser

Somehow, in life, I was born a pleaser.

Ideal Life I was the youngest of three girls and I quickly learned how to act so that my sisters would be pleased with me.  The other side of this spinning coin is, I have often been devastated when someone close to me says mean things to or about me.  I can never understand why they would want to be hurtful. This results in me wanting to do something or try something, but being held back by the abuse I allow myself to suffer in the opinions of others.

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What color are you?

What color are you?  What colors look best on you?  Back when I  was a teen, my mom and my god-mother took my girlfriend and I to “have our colors done”.  Some of you may ask “You had WHAT done?”  Well – the process of getting your colors done involves determining what colors look best on you.  (Color Me A Season)

Seasoncircle600

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