Frustration in Three Acts
Some people collect stamps. I collect other people’s emotions. For most of my life, “managing the mood in the room” felt like a job I didn’t remember applying for…but somehow kept showing up to anyway.
I’ve always been a bit of a chameleon. My own feelings didn’t matter—I could “read the room” and instantly morph into whatever version of myself I thought someone needed.
Act 1: The first time someone called me out on this talent was in my late teens. A boyfriend and I were walking arm-in-arm through a school playground late one crisp fall evening. Out of nowhere, he started singing Air Supply’s “Every Woman in the World to Me.” I don’t remember the exact conversation that followed, but I do remember him gently telling me he didn’t need a cheerleader. He wanted me. My real thoughts. My real feelings. My real presence. Awwww… right?
Act 2: Scene change: age 32. I was married to my ex-husband Tom. I’d come home late from teaching and listen—literally—to his mood before I walked through the door. If the TV blared, it was “walk on eggshells” time. If I heard guitar riffs floating out of his music room, all was well.
Tom was later diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. He has since passed away, but back then, his emotional weather system determined the climate of my day. It even affected my family. My mom still remembers greeting him in a church parking lot during a holiday visit, arms outstretched, only for him to mutter, “Merry f*ckin’ Christmas” on his way past her on his way to a Christmas service. That moment said everything.
Act 3: Fast-forward to now. Life still tosses frustrations my way, but I don’t contort myself to fix everyone else’s feelings anymore. Becoming a life coach taught me that each of us creates our own thoughts and emotions—and our behaviors and consequences belong to us.
These days, instead of shape-shifting, I give myself space. Then I circle back to my husband, daughter, or son and calmly share my feelings. I ask them to be aware if a similar situation comes up again. No performing. No emotional acrobatics. Just honest connection without sacrificing myself.
After fifty years of frustration loops, I finally stepped off the ride. I still read the room—but now I check in with myself first. Turns out, my own emotions deserve a seat at the table too.
Click here to check out other Sidetracked opinions
Click here to listen to the Sidetracked Legacies podcast
Want to create your own legacy? Join the Sidetracked Sisters and start now!
Ever thought about working with a Life Coach? Are you a woman over 50 who feels unfulfilled in your long-term relationship? Lisa can help you rekindle love and joy, and avoid a “gray divorce.” Check out Lisa Hoffman Coaching.
#sidetrackedsisters #sidetrackedlisa #sidetrackedlegacies #legacywriting #legacystories #writeyourownlegacy #LisaHoffmanCoaching
