Was It Fate, or Just a Yes?
When it comes to the idea of our lives being controlled by Fate, I have very mixed emotions. Some of my friends shrug and say, “Stuff happens,” as if life is completely out of their hands. Another one of those phrases is “It is what it is,” again implying that we’re ruled by fate. I’ve always had a hard time with that idea.
I believe our consequences come at the end of a process that begins with our thoughts. What we think about shapes how we feel. Those feelings lead to actions, and our actions create results. In Catechism class and Sunday School, I was taught that we’ve been given the gift of free will, the ability to choose our own path. It’s those choices that determine how our lives unfold.
In my own life, I’ve often faced situations where I could say yes or no. From a young age, I found it difficult to disappoint people — a tendency that has followed me well into adulthood.
I remember when my first husband, Clayton, asked me to marry him. I was only seventeen and dreaming about college, though I wasn’t sure how I’d pay for it or what I’d study. One Friday night, downtown Beaver Dam was bustling with friends and familiar faces. Clayton and I were walking together, and I later learned he’d planned to hide the engagement ring in my popcorn at the movie. He changed his mind, thinking I might swallow it in the dark theater, a valid concern!
Instead, he stopped on the sidewalk, turned to face me, and held out the ring. “Will you marry me?” he asked. I was shocked and didn’t answer right away. My mind went straight to my other dreams: college, travel, freedom. To this day, I don’t remember exactly why I said yes. Sometimes I still wonder what my life might have been like if I’d followed my intuition and said no.
Maybe fate isn’t some invisible force after all. Maybe it’s the quiet mix of our choices and chances, the things we say yes to and the ones we turn down. Looking back, I realize that even when I thought I was surrendering to fate, I was really just making another choice. And perhaps that’s what fate truly is, the sum of all the little “yeses” and “nos” that shape our stories.
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