Fighting Exhaustion
Exhaustion has been a constant in my life. Some people know stress. Others know heartbreak. I know exhaustion. For as long as I can remember, I have needed 8–10 hours of sleep to feel refreshed. When I was a toddler, I would often sleep until noon. Mom would wake me up so I could have lunch with my two sisters when they came home from school each day.
Going to grade school required a battle to get me out of bed in the morning. I remember my Dad shouting, “I want to hear two feet on the floor,” multiple times before I complied. I recall falling asleep at my desk during my first hour class in both junior and senior high school. I could fall asleep anywhere.
Fast forward to being an adult. I was diagnosed with Sleep Apnea and fitted with a CPAP machine. This helped alleviate my snoring and teeth grinding, but I would still wake up as exhausted as when I went to bed.
The past few years have been particularly challenging for me. My husband was always good at getting me to go to bed at a decent hour. He passed away 2 ½ years ago, and my sleep habits have become poor. I find myself staying up until 2 or 3:00 am. I choose things to do to keep myself from going to bed. I think part of this issue is that I dread the exhaustion I experience when I wake up in the morning.
I’m noticing changes in my body that I think are caused by experiencing a constant state of exhaustion. My aches and pains have multiplied. I have trouble prioritising my to-do list. The smallest sign that I’m running on empty is when little things feel overwhelming, like deciding what to eat or answering one more email. Exhaustion makes the simplest choices feel like climbing mountains.
The moment I knew I was truly exhausted was when I sat down “for just a minute” and woke up two hours later, still in my chair, book on the floor, tasks half-done, and a heavy fog of fatigue pressing on my chest. Exhaustion doesn’t ask for permission; it simply claims the rest we refuse to give ourselves. Sometimes the bravest thing we can do is stop before our body forces us to.
Exhaustion rarely arrives with a shout. It comes as a whisper, forgetting words, snapping too quickly, staring at the same page without absorbing it. Those whispers are invitations, not failures. The sooner I listen, the sooner I can refill what life has drained.
I’m not sure what to do to alleviate the exhaustion in my current state. Here is what I do know: ignoring exhaustion is no longer an option. My body speaks too loudly for me to pretend I don’t hear. So I’m starting small, building new routines, protecting my rest, and listening for the whispers before they become shouts. I don’t have all the answers yet, but I’m learning. And maybe that’s the first step out of exhaustion, choosing to make better choices and sticking to them..
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