Everyday Sadness

Sadness and depression manifest differently across various age groups, influenced by developmental stages, life circumstances, and societal factors. 

I was in fifth grade when my very favorite grandpa died.  It was the first person in my life who died up to this point, other than my dog.  

Now, let’s just talk about the death, or in my case, my dog, Double Trouble.  I got her after wishing on every birthday candle and wishing star that I could find.  I had wanted a dog so bad.  I got her before I even entered elementary school, and she had to be put down after I graduated from high school.  I had always prayed that I would die before she died because I just knew the sadness would be unbearable.   Well, I made it and went on to actually own several other dogs and pets at different stages of my life.  But I do feel that this set a pattern for the future sadness that I felt when losing a pet or a loved one.

Then I felt great sadness when I lost my favorite grandfather.  He was the only grandfather I ever knew. He was kind and funny, and we kids just loved him, well, we girls anyway.  This felt different to me as I was in the fifth grade, and this was a person.  The first one in my family to forever leave us.  This, I must say, was traumatic to me. I can now actually discuss his talent and personality without feeling that deep sadness that I felt at that time.

Life for me went on, and nothing too dramatic happened in any area other than losing a boyfriend (not to death or anything that severe), until I was just out of high school, and my oldest sister, who had been suffering with MS, passed.  She was only twenty-six years old, had been going to college to be a nurse right out of high school, and became very ill and bedridden.  When she passed, I had just gotten married, purchased a new home, and had our first child.  My life was moving on in a good way, and I felt such sadness that she was given this hand to play.  I felt how unfair it was and felt extremely guilty and sad when I thought about her.  Why her and not me?  I still to this day carry a lot of that sadness of her sickness and death when I  am seeing a beautiful sunrise, sunset, nature, happy families, you get it.  It is a sadness that for me never really goes away, and I guess in a way forms my personality and actions as well.

Then I lost my dad at the age of sixty-two.  Again, the sadness does keep building up, but you learn to tuck it away and try to remember pleasant memories to hang on to.  Then my mom and in-laws passed, and you go through the stages of losing the loved ones that created who you are.

Now, the biggy:  Sadness came to me and is still heavy on my heart.  I lost my husband of sixty-two years a couple of months ago.  This sadness is deeper, it seems, as he was so present.  Knowing that I will never hear his voice again, feel his touch, share our lives has presented a sadness that I can never imagine will ever go away.

Sadness is everywhere and always, and how you handle it is the important thing.  It can turn into depression and other serious ailments, but it is life, and we have to figure out how to handle all the different kinds of sadness.

One way I try to cope is “One step at a time, or one day at a time.”

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