Making It Happen, But Not Always
Self-discipline has been a challenge for most of my life. Its absence has often left me feeling unfulfilled in work, relationships, and how I see myself. I realized early on that I often couldn’t trust my promises to myself. This didn’t become a pattern for me until I was in high school.
I remember when I was twelve years old, my best friend was going to Camp Black Hawk in Antigo, WI. I wanted to go so badly. I asked my parents for permission, and they told me we didn’t have the money. The cost of the camp for two weeks, including meals, lodging, and activities, was $50. Even back in the 60s, this was a good deal. But at age twelve, I proved to myself what discipline could do.
I worked at everything I could to raise this money. I babysat, sold nuts and candy, delivered advertising circulars for the newspaper, and worked with my Scout Leaders to come up with any ways to make the needed $50.00. When the deadline came to send in our money, my savings book had $53.50 in it. I had made my goal, and I was delighted. Camp was worth every bit of work it took. I finally learned how to swim. We were taught to handle canoes and how to lash tables and benches out of fallen wood. We stayed in 8-person tents and developed close friendships with our tentmates.
For the next three years, going to Camp was my summer vacation. It led to my third year in the waterfront unit, where we went for a 3-day canoe trip down the Wolf River. These adventures made me so happy and made my hard work worthwhile. It gave me the confidence to know that if I wanted something badly enough, I could make it happen.
As I started High School, I didn’t feel this same desire to achieve. It seemed that I left my self-discipline somewhere outside of myself. School came easily for me. For some reason, I tested well and could handle most of my classes with ease. Everyone thought I would go on to college.
On Mother’s Day, in my Junior Year, my sister, Kathy, passed away. I allowed that event to put a damper on my enthusiasm. I didn’t seem to have the oomph or desire to seek out resources and plans to go to college. I was again confronted with the fact that the money was just not available. The drive I had at twelve seemed to vanish.
Looking back, I wonder how my life might have been different if I had kept that campfire of self-discipline burning. But here’s what I know now: discipline isn’t something you’re born with or without. It’s something you can reclaim. I’m learning, even now, that it’s never too late to make a promise to yourself and keep it. My twelve-year-old self is cheering me on.
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