Giving Myself Permission
It was really hard when I was trying to get pregnant and was unsuccessful. It seemed like everyone was having babies… except me.
Looking back on this time from the distance of 20 years is illuminating. I currently have three adopted children who are 20, 19, and 14. But back in the day, it wasn’t easy.
We decided to start trying to have kids when I was 27. But it didn’t “just happen.” Infertility and adoption work followed.
The 14 years between the decision to have a family and flying home from Russia with our two beautiful boys were a study of “giving myself permission.”
-
I permitted myself not to attend baby showers. Every time I went to a shower, I knew that the celebration was about that person and the joy they were experiencing. I was happy for them, but I couldn’t separate my circumstances from their situation. After every party, I would come home and spend the next week—or more—depressed, exhausted, and jealous. I decided that I didn’t need to fight this battle. The easiest way for me to exit the war was to not even engage the enemy. Therefore, I just didn’t accept the invitation. People understood, and no one pressured me to participate.
-
I permitted myself not to attend the Sunday “Mother’s Day” service at church. Whenever I went to church on Mother’s Day, I didn’t focus on my mother; I could only see the other mothers my age being honored. Roses were given, and I felt left out. It only took one of these events for me to disengage and say, “No, thank you,” the next year when the holiday rolled around.
-
I permitted myself to say, “This sucks, it’s hard, I’m still doing it, and that’s okay.” I wanted to have a family, but the journey was challenging and painful. Allowing myself to acknowledge the difficulty without guilt or shame was liberating and necessary.
Reflecting on this period of my life, I realize the importance of permitting oneself to step back, protect one’s mental health, and acknowledge one’s struggles. These decisions were not easy, but they were crucial in helping me navigate a difficult and emotionally taxing journey. By allowing myself to say “no” and recognizing my own needs, I could preserve my well-being and eventually build the family I always dreamed of.
Click here to check out other Sidetracked opinions
Click here to listen to the Sidetracked Stories podcast
Want to create your own legacy? Join the Sidetracked Sisters and start now!
Ever thought about working with a Life Coach? Are you creative or a writer who is frustrated with your inability to do the work you so desperately feel called to do? Check out Lisa Hoffman Coaching.
#sidetrackedsisters #sidetrackedlisa #sidetrackedlegacies #legacywriting #legacystories #writeyourownlegacy #LisaHoffmanCoaching
