What makes you feel a connection with another person? Some people make you feel cared for and seen. Others, not so much.
Let me give you a couple of examples of what I mean.
A while ago, Michelle and I were talking about our parents and we found out that we have completely different takes on a common occurrence.
I came into my house. Mom was there and had been there a while. She was in the kitchen. Dishes had been put in the dishwasher, counters were wiped off and the mail was gathered and neatly deposited on the computer desk. In the living room, the afghan was folded and draped over the back of the sofa with a pillow staged professionally on top. She had gathered shoes and deposited them in cubbies.
Now my house hadn’t been a pit of destruction when I left, but when I came in and saw the work she had done, I got all the warm fuzzies inside.
I felt taken care of and loved.
Michelle has the exact opposite reaction to such an event. When mom did something similar at her house around the same time, Michelle was NOT pleased. When she came into the house, Mom’s attention made her feel like she didn’t measure up. The help and fussing over the neatness and rearranging of pillows made Michelle feel that she had a messy house and needed help.
Kadon, my son, knows my feelings on this subject and loves to surprise me when he visits from college. He will follow me as I enter the house and “encourage” me to go to the kitchen. Then he will casually….maybe open up the refrigerator to reveal it all sparkly clean and last month’s leftover lasagna has been purged. Or, maybe the pantry is all organized. The last time he came home, the two “junk drawers” were sorted and organized with little boxes and drawer spacers.
I found this little quote by Steven Furtick a while ago…
Love is not words, it’s actions.
And love isn’t feelings,
it’s a decision.
To show me, love, you don’t need to say much. You don’t need to buy me anything. Just make the bed or weed my garden or make dinner for us. I will get all the feels…