Little Kids Little Problems, Big Kids Big ProblemsSidetracked Sisters

Summer of 2012

I lay in bed and play the what if…game. Why are the what ifs always the negative possibility? What is the difference between worry and anxiety? Is it a problem that I don’t know the difference?

Maybe the problem with worries is that I am thinking about something (in most cases) that is not in my control. I am overthinking and projecting negative consequences onto someone else’s life.

Luka and Lukas Jr, January 2023

Perhaps this is a natural consequence of being a mom. I worry about lives that I have so little control over. My mom always said, “Parents so often stay home with their children when they are small and go back to work when the kids hit school age. You should work when your kids are small because they need you most in their teen years.”

It is fun to parent babies and toddlers because you are supposed to keep them safe, teach them, and cuddle the stuffing out of them.

Kadon in New York, March 2022

Then the teen years hit, and…hold on to your hats. Mom has a notable thought here, “Little kids, little problems, big kids, big problems.”

When the teen years hit, I not only worry about what I should be doing, but what I shouldn’t be doing. And the object of these worries gets an opinion in the evaluation as well!

Really, what control do I have over anyone else’s life?

But then again, maybe worrying works…99% of what I worry about never happens!

Aubrey, the first day of 8th Grade, September 2022

Well, I continue to worry about each of my kids. It’s only as an adult (and a caring parent) that I know what the possible consequences are. And I want to protect my children from painful lessons. I want my teenage/young adult children to be carefree, mostly. Their relationships should be positive and loving. I want them to be successful at school and in whatever work they choose.

But of course, the problem with this is that I only have the delusion of control. No matter how hard I try, I am me, not my children. When I was adopting, I found this beautiful poem by Kahlil Gibran called “On Children “:

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

So, as my children grow up, it’s not my job to worry anymore. I am the bow, they are the arrows.

I am stable. They move forward on their own life paths. Sounds good…but me not worrying about my kids?

Yeah, right…good luck with that!