Ocean Shm-ocean
People talk about their first ocean experience like it’s some sort of spiritual rebirth.
They say things like, “The vastness made me weep,” or “I finally understood my place in the universe.”
I looked at the ocean and thought, “Cool. But… where’s the pit toilet?”
See, I didn’t grow up on the coast or spend summers at a resort. I spent them camping in Door County, Wisconsin, with the smell of campfire in my clothes and sand in my sleeping bag. My “beachfront” views came with mosquitoes, burnt marshmallows, and the occasional raccoon trying to unzip the tent. It was magic.
Lake Michigan was our ocean. It had waves. It had sand. It had sunsets that made you stop mid-s’more and say, “Dang.” And it never once stung your eyes with saltwater or threatened to toss you into the undertow just for fun.
So when I finally saw the ocean, I was… underwhelmed.
Yes, it’s big. Yes, it’s loud. Yes, it smells like seaweed and existential dread. But emotionally? I didn’t feel moved. I felt like I was cheating on a very loyal Great Lake that never asked for more than a can of bug spray and a working flashlight.
The ocean has a lot going for it, sure. It’s beautiful. It’s powerful. It’s full of mysterious creatures that would 100% eat me if given the chance. But can it compare to waking up in a damp tent, trudging to the outhouse in flip-flops, and watching the sunrise over a lake so calm it reflects the trees like a mirror?
Didn’t think so.
So yeah, I’ve seen the ocean. But I grew up camping in Door County. And frankly, the ocean’s gonna have to try a lot harder to impress me.
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