Counting Losses, Not Weeks

There are so many different kinds of death that we go through in our lives.  One type of death that happened to me was having four different miscarriages.  

I think a miscarriage for anyone is interpreted and felt in so many different ways, and the severity happens differently as well.

For example, I have had four miscarriages in my childbearing years.  First, I got pregnant when I was nineteen.  This pregnancy was not planned; having been married for six months, it just felt this was the next step we wanted to take.  Many of our friends were in the process of starting their families, and it was a fun time.  Then two years later, it was felt time to have a second child.  We didn’t want to have our children too close together or too far apart.  Two years seemed like a good time.  So, finding out I was pregnant again was a much-wanted event.  Unfortunately, at the end of the first trimester, I started bleeding.  This led up to a full-blown miscarriage.  We were very disappointed but felt nature would take its course.  We felt maybe there was something wrong with the fetus, and it was probably for the best.  After giving my body time to recoup, we tried again.  Well, being excited to be pregnant again, we were disappointed to the max when I again showed signs of having another miscarriage.  Now the pressure was on.  Why is this happening?  It became a disappointment and left me feeling very upset and anxious, and sad.  You get the feeling that your body is working against you.  What seems to be so easy for others now has become a real burden for you.

This is what I meant when I said at first it is likely o.k. This is nature’s way, but when it happened again, it was like something was wrong.  What should be a fun and exciting event has now become a constant worry.  So, after seven years, I again became pregnant.  Again, the same result – miscarriage.  Now, life got busier, the kids got older, and my oldest started her first year of college.  I was now thirty-nine and again became pregnant.  My husband was excited, but I was apprehensive, felt weird being so old, and had a mixture of emotions.  But, in the end, I was beginning to get excited.  And then it happened again.  Another miscarriage.  To say I was sad and disappointed became a reality.  The doctor told me that he felt this time it was probably twins.  This created a whiplash effect, as at the time, I would be considered too old to bear a child.  But, by today’s standards, it is becoming the norm.  

To say I am very happy with our results is an understatement.  There is a reason for everything, and I consider this one of those circumstances.  

Click here to check out other Sidetracked opinions

Click here to listen to the Overcoming Writer’s Block podcast

Want to create your own legacy? Join the Sidetracked Sisters and start now!

Ever thought about working with a Life Coach? Are you creative or a writer who is frustrated with your inability to do the work you so desperately feel called to do? Check out Lisa Hoffman Coaching.

#sidetrackedsisters #sidetrackedsandy #sidetrackedlegacies #legacywriting #legacystories #writeyourownlegacy #LisaHoffmanCoaching #MiscarriageAwareness #PregnancyLoss #InfertilityJourney #GriefAndHealing #MotherhoodStruggles #WomensHealth #LossAndHope #StillAGrievingMother #SilentGrief #PregnancyAfterLoss #EmotionalHealing #RealTalkMotherhood #MiscarriageSupport #LifeAfterLoss #PersonalStory