I have a very special holiday memory. This was a dinner concert that our church sponsored. It was held at the Green Lake Conference Center. The halls were decorated beautifully for the holidays with little twinkling lights, Christmas trees, and poinsettias. There was a guitarist who performed for the evening. He had special effects that accompanied him and our children’s church choir joined in singing the chorus for a favorite Christmas song, “Go Tell It On The Mountain”. This made it so much fun and the music was phenomenal. My youngest daughter, myself, and my youngest granddaughter, Aubrey, attended. My other granddaughter, Jessica, was one of the performers. Aubrey literally danced the night away. She was probably four at the time, loves music, and especially loves to dance. She had a ball. We have the cd of this performance and it is called her “Boom Boom” tape which is often played in full force at Christmas time or whenever the mood strikes us. This was such a fun way to start off the holidays for us.
This is the kind of thing I would love to do so much more of at this time of the year. Instead of enjoying the holidays like this, I get myself in such an awful state of mind. I am my biggest critic, and being the best procrastinator, tend to get behind in my expectations of what I see Christmas to look like in my mind and the need to make that happen. I want better homes and gardens. You know all the Christmas decorations up, baking done, shopping completed and all presents wrapped. Somehow I let this dream and actuality become two very different scenarios. That is especially true in all the years I was working, and I really want this to change now that I am supposed to have more time.
I love the anticipation, the festivities, and all the hoopla that the holidays bring. What I don’t enjoy is staying up all night to accomplish what I feel things are supposed to look like. I have actually been known to finish putting up outside decorations at 1:00 a.m. the coldest night of the year on Christmas Eve. Another problem is gift preparation. I don’t have too much trouble obtaining the gifts, but getting them wrapped and under the tree is an extreme hassle. Christmas Eve has been devoted to completing the tasks that are still unfinished. I host Christmas as this is Grandma’s House and it is tradition. One year I had put the meal together and decided at some ungodly time of Christmas morning to see if my youngest daughter would host Christmas as I knew she had her home ready for the holiday, and I would bring the food. See, I just had not been able to accomplish what needed to be done and had literally run out of time.
My wish is to be able to enjoy the activities and joyful feeling of the season. I enjoy going to concerts, shopping and actually enjoying participating and remembering what this holiday is all about. I have actually been heard saying “I hate Christmas”. This is really not true, but I hate that at this old age I still get in such a funk because my expectations are either too high, or I just didn’t allow the proper amount of time to do what needed to be done.
Here’s to this year. It has to change. Pass the eggnog, spiked, of course!