Eavesdropping on My Own Thoughts

I try to keep an ear on the words my brain whispers to me.

Sometimes, it feels like a whole other person—an uninvited roommate who critiques my choices while hogging the mental communication links. But it’s not a classic angel vs. devil showdown. No, my inner dialogue is more like a gloomy, worst-case scenario me constantly bickering with an upbeat, “you’ve got this” version of me. And neither one is great at using their inside voice.

The best way I can describe it? It’s like an old-fashioned party line.

If you’ve never had the pleasure, a party line was a shared telephone connection where multiple households used the same line. When I was about seven, I’d pick up the phone to call my grandma or best friend, only to hear two old ladies already deep in conversation. They weren’t spilling juicy secrets—just chatting about neighbors, grandkids, and who brought the best potato salad to church last Sunday. But the thrill? Oh, the power of eavesdropping! I felt like a pint-sized spy, privy to private adult conversations.

Of course, my presence was never a secret for long. Sooner or later, one of the ladies would pause mid-sentence and say, “Well, Harriet, I think we have someone else listening in. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Have a good afternoon.” Click. Just like that, my VIP access was revoked.

That’s what my brain feels like—an ongoing, unsolicited conversation between two inner voices. Sometimes, I step in and try to steer the discussion in a better direction. Other times, I just listen, hoping the optimistic one can convince the grumpy one to lighten up. And occasionally, I try to drown them out altogether, like a kid turning up the TV when grown-ups start talking about taxes.

But at the end of the day, I know I can’t actually hang up on my own thoughts. The party line in my head is here to stay, so I might as well learn to chime in and guide the conversation. And if those voices want to keep gossiping about me?

Fine.

But they’d better start saying nicer things.

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