Love Through the Fog
I find that I have little patience. There are a lot of examples that I can think of that cause me distress or a lack of patience. They are:
- I am a soft talker, and I get impatient when people start talking and continue talking over me.
- When expressing an idea, for some reason, my idea seems to be overlooked consistently.
- Being impatient with myself when I find I am again procrastinating when planning for a big holiday, such as Christmas. I find that I don’t prioritize tasks properly in order to carry out a timely and successful event.
Now my patience and understanding have been tested to the max. My husband of sixty-two years and before, developed dementia. He proudly worked up to the time of his eightieth birthday. Then the fast decline showed its ugly head. Sure, I guess there were some signs before, but nothing too dramatic to assume this diagnosis.
Here is a detailed professional description of this cruel disease.
What is Dementia?
Dementia is a broad term for a range of cognitive impairments that affect memory, thinking, reasoning, and the ability to perform everyday tasks. It is not a specific disease but rather a syndrome caused by various conditions, the most common being Alzheimer’s disease, followed by vascular dementia, Lewy body dementia, and frontotemporal dementia.
How Does Dementia Affect a Person?
Dementia gradually impacts a person’s ability to function, often progressing through stages. Here’s how it typically affects individuals:
- Memory Loss – The person may forget recent conversations, appointments, or even familiar faces and places.
- Confusion & Disorientation – They may struggle to recognize time and place, leading to getting lost or feeling misplaced.
- Difficulty Communicating – Words may become harder to find, sentences may be incomplete, or they may repeat themselves frequently.
- Changes in Mood & Behavior – Increased frustration, anxiety, paranoia, or depression are common as the person becomes aware of their struggles.
- Loss of Independence – As dementia progresses, basic tasks like dressing, eating, or managing personal hygiene become difficult.
- Personality Changes – A once-social individual may become withdrawn, aggressive, or even experience hallucinations and delusions.
Dementia affects not just memory but the entire way a person interacts with the world, making patience and understanding crucial for caregivers and loved ones.
Our idea of our “Golden Years” went down the tube. But, knowing that Art did what he liked best, being useful, being around people, and, yes, working to the end, brought some comfort to us, his family. He was not one for travelling except for a few occasions to Alaska, Mexico, and Canada. His kind of interests. He lived for and enjoyed family, friends, hunting, fishing, working on my “Honey Do” list, and creating and fixing things. He was also a great one to help other people with their projects when he could squeeze those in.
Art would forget recent activities as soon as he did them. He was always caring and loving to me and our two girls. At first, I had to find my patience whenever I could, as it was hard to adjust to him not being who he had been, or remember things we had just done. He loved to look at pictures, and he adored cuddling with his two fuzzy faces, Emma and Ivy. Looking back, I wish I could have had more patience, especially in the beginning, as the change became dramatic and very frustrating. I became the drill sergeant and not a loving partner as I had been. I worked on that, but it was hard. I felt so sad for him as that is not what he would have wanted to be. We actually were able to start to be able to laugh with him when something he did was funny. One such thing I discovered was that he liked to wear three pairs of socks at one time, not to mention several pairs of jeans at one time. He always put his shoes on first, which made putting jeans or pants on an eventful challenge.
It was then discovered that he had a severe heart problem and would need surgery. But, due to the fact that his body would be fixed, and his mind would never be fixed, it was decided not to proceed. As it turned out, Art passed a lot sooner than was predicted, and for him to be rid of that atrocious disease helps me to be grateful.
I miss him terribly. Pictures bring back so many wonderful memories. We have had a beautiful, fulfilling life together, but it still feels like it went too fast.
He shared with me that he loved me in a very soft voice two days before his death, and I hold on to that memory in my heart.
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